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14 things we'll be delighted to leave behind in 2014

If 2015 means a new start free from these things, BRING IT ON.
Dec 26th 2014, 8:15 PM 34,851 19

1. Happy

Source: Us The Duo/Vine

There was a time when this genuinely made us happy. A time when entire cities banded together to show their happiness. When making videos of ourselves dancing to Pharrell seemed right, and joyful, and somehow true.

But that was then. Now, we’re hovering on the border of stabbing our co-workers when it comes on and/or hurling the relevant device out of the nearest window.

Chances of leaving it behind: Good, thank God.

2. Arses

Source: Alan White/Vine

Not arses themselves, you understand. We all have them, in all shapes and sizes, and they are a necessary (even pleasant) accessory. But arses as a phenomenon; as Photoshopped balloon-animal monstrosities; as a subject of thinkpieces and memes and ‘break the internet’ magazine covers. Oh, and butt selfies? They can do one too.

GIVE US BACK OUR REGULAR OLD ARSES.

Chances of leaving it behind: Actually fairly slim.

3. Cronuts

Source: DailyEdge.ie

We haven’t had the original cronut from New York. But we HAVE had the local version – they’re in Centra now, fer chrissake – and, well, it’s slightly worse than either a doughnut or a croissant. Unnecessary.

Chances of leaving it behind: Very good. 

4. I can’t even

Enough said.

Chances of leaving it behind: Reasonable, surely, because they’ll eventually just stop trying to even?

5. Garth Brooks

Source: Niall Carson

OK, full disclosure: we kind of enjoyed the Garth Brooks hysteria at first. We may even have played our part in it. But with the country already on the brink of armed uprising over the water charges, we’re frankly worried that another sniff of Garth’s sweaty Stetson could send Ireland over the edge into full-on Mad Max anarchy.

Chances of leaving it behind: We’re a bit worried he’s going to announce another Irish date at some point. And then there’ll be trouble.

6. Charity challenges

You did in your HOLE wake up looking like this. Source: iamnaomicampbell

The Ice Bucket Challenge. The No Make-Up Selfie Challenge. The Wake Up Call Challenge. The Grab Your Own Crotch Challenge. The Punch Yourself In The Face Until Someone Gives You Money To Stop Challenge. OK, we made up the last one, but it’s not far off.

Chances of leaving it behind: Fairly good. *praying hands emoji*

7. Flappy Bird

You ruined our lives, Flappy Bird.

Chances of leaving it behind: 100%.

8. Shake It Off

https://vine.co/v/M3IrZX2t6rA

Yes, it’s a great song. Yes, Taylor Swift has suddenly wangled total hipster acceptance by making a series of near-perfect pop tunes. But let’s look this issue square in the face here: there have already been too many parodies, YouTube can only take so much, and if we see another group of dads lip-syncing hilariously to it we’re going to have to mention *cough* Call Me Maybe *cough*.

Chances of leaving it behind: Actually, what we really want is for it to just become a regular song again.

9. Irish politicians making fools of themselves

Source: Djbrez24/Vine

Differences of opinion? Great. Healthy debate? Sure. Heated disagreements? Fine. But can we just agree for everyone to think before they open their mouths in 2015?

Chances of leaving it behind: Zero.

10. Top lists of albums and books on Facebook

*throws computer through nearest window*

Chances of leaving it behind: Good, but for every poxy Facebook meme you kill, a hundred spring up in its place.

11. Miley Cyrus’s vagina

Source: Jonathan Brady

Source: EMPICS Entertainment

Miley, we’re sure you have a lovely vagina. And that’s fine, OK? We just don’t need to see it ALL the time.

Chances of leaving it behind: Minimal, to be honest.

12. #Unnecessary #Hashtags

Maybe 2015 will be the year giant global corporations actually learn how social media works, and stop mortifyingly trying to be #downwiththekidz #viral #selfie?

*crosses fingers*

Chances of leaving it behind: We live in hope.

13. Pickup artists

Source: rsdjulien

Following the outcry over woman-choker Julien Blanc and the unlamented demise of Dapper Laughs - not a pickup artist, but ploughing the same miserable vein – can we all just agree now that this is harmful bullsh**?

Let’s all just go back to meeting our future life partners while hammered drunk in Coppers, and gradually sorting ourselves out from there. A simpler time.

Chances of leaving it behind: Depends partly on whether Julien makes his Irish date in June.

14. Crap parody Twitter accounts

We don’t mean the good ones with an actual point. (Our affection for Not The RTÉ Guide is long standing and well documented.) We mean the rubbish ones. The ones that spring up with every minor cultural event, hang around for ten tweets, then lie forgotten in dark corners of the internet cluttering up the place.

Look, it’s just not that funny anymore to start a Twitter account for Janet’s knees. WE DESERVE MORE.

Chances of leaving it behind: Not super optimistic right now.

More: 9 terrible memes that were born and (thankfully) died in 2014>

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Michael Freeman

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