1. I’m here and I’m ready to look like Taylor Swift.
2. Okay, Taylor Swift’s back-up dancer will also suffice.
3. Shite, she’s asking me what I want done and I’ve just realised I have no idea how to explain it.
4. “So, can I have… layers? And just a bit of shape and volume?” WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING?
5. Okay, she’s just speaking hairdresser jargon and flicking my hair around my face now. I don’t know whether to be confident or worried.
6. At least she hasn’t given out to me for that time I cut my fringe myself.
7. Ah, time to put on the big hair bib and look like an overgrown toddler. I bet my nose will get itchy later and I won’t be able to scratch it because I’m trapped under this enormous cape.
7. Yes, she’s washing my hair! The best part of going to the hairdresser.
8. Did I just say that the water temperature was “absolutely perfect“? It’s water, relax.
9. Oh God, please don’t try to make small talk with me about the volumising conditioner you’re using. I literally have nothing to say on the subject apart from, “Yep, cool.”
10. Phew, peace and silence at last. Now I can go back to daydreaming about all the compliments I’m going to get at work when my hair is done.
11. Is it weird that I would definitely hire someone to wash my hair everyday if I was famous? It’s just so… relaxing and glamorous.
12. Actually, I should be taking notes here so I can figure out how to wash my hair better. (i.e. not just frantically washing it in 30 seconds because you’re already late for work.)
13. Too late, it’s done. I guess I’ll just have to wait until next time* I go to the hairdresser. (Six months time.)
14. Okay, so she’s cutting my hair. That’s fine, I’m just going to keep my head perfectly still and read this Grazia.
15. OH MY GOD, HAS A SMALL ANIMAL ENTERED THE PREMISES AND PERISHED BESIDE MY FOOT?
16. Oh wait, no, that’s just all my hair.
17. My beautiful hair :(
18. Why am I getting sentimental about my hair now when I’ve been calling it “a holy show” for weeks? Get a grip.
19. Okay, my nose is itchy.
20. Aaaaand I can’t read my Grazia because she’s tilted my head in an awkward position.
21. I HAVE TO SNEEZE. I’M TOO SCARED TO SNEEZE. WHAT IF I SNEEZE AS SHE’S CUTTING MY HAIR AND SHE ACCIDENTALLY GIVES ME A PIXIE HAIRCUT? I DEFINITELY DON’T HAVE THE FACE FOR THAT.
22. Ooh, it’s time for the fringe. Maybe I can fit a little sneeze in now?
23. Nailed it. *high fives self*
24. Now I have an itchy nose and there’s hair in my eye.
25. Just accidentally looked deep into the hairdresser’s eyes as she cut my fringe there, didn’t I?
26. I hope she doesn’t think I’m in love with her.
27. In addition to hiring someone to wash my hair, I would also totally hire someone to blowdry my hair if I was famous.
28. I need these clippy things. That’s where I’ve been going wrong all along.
29. “How is that now?” “Fabulous.” I just said my own hair was fabulous, kill me.
30. ”And here’s what it’s like from the back.” “Absolutely perfect.” Oh God, it’s way shorter than I anticipated, but I’m just going to put on a brave face.
31. She’s holding out my coat and waiting for me to put my arms in like she’s my maid. This is really awkward.
32. Oh God, the tip! Okay, so if the whole thing costs €55 then… €5 is a good tip? Or is that stingey? HELP.
33. Okay, you can do it, you can do it…
34. ”€60 is grand,” you hear yourself say, like an adult woman who knows about tipping. So slick, so glamorous.
35. Now there’s only one thing left to do: look at your reflection in the window of every shop you pass for the rest of the day!
