PRESENTED IN NO particular order.
1. The episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians where Kim realises marrying Kris Humphries was a grave mistake.
Me, hungover: “It could happen to any of us. We all make mistakes. We are all Kim.”
2. Men having little hobbies, especially anything to do with pigeons or greyhounds.
Me, hungover: “Are you literally trying to kill me here?”
3. A promo for the London Olympics with Adele’s “Hometown Glory” playing over it.
Me, hungover: “ADELE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO UNDERSTANDS ME AND ALSO I MISS THE OLYMPICS.”
4. Thinking about Katie Taylor. Just in general.
Me, hungover: “[hyperventilating] It was just so magical.”
5. Animals being monogamous.
Me, hungover: “BUT WHAT IF ONE OF THE MONOGAMOUS PENGUINS DIE? IT’S POOR PENGUIN PARTNER WILL BE SO UPSET.”
6. The thought of old people going out to buy the RTÉ Guide every week.
Me, hungover: “[crying]“
7. Liquorice not being fashionable anymore.
See also: the thought of old people offering a child a piece of liquorice and the child refusing.
8. The corner of a fitted sheet coming off the bed.
Me, hungover: “Why can’t something just go right for me for once in my life?”
9. People not sending handwritten letters/cards to each other anymore.
Me, hungover: “I mean, are people just going to stop sending Christmas cards to each other? Is this where we’re headed as a SOCIETY?”
10. The ad for SMA Follow-On Milk where they’re like, “You’re doing great!”
Me, hungover: “It’s true. Nobody asks for your CV when you become a mother.”
11. This tweet.
Me, hungover: “YOUR GIRLS. Oh my Christ.”
12. Realising that (a) the can of tuna I bought was not a ring pull and (b) I did not own a can opener
Me, hungover: “[unintelligible weeping]“
13. The thought of former X Factor contestants having to perform in tiny nightclubs in Ireland
Me, hungover: “Oh God, I hope they’re doing okay.”
14. A fanmade montage about Barack Obama’s victory in 2008
Me, hungover: “Yes we can…”
15. A video of Tom from McFly delivering his wedding speech in song
Please note that this is absolutely the type of thing I would sneer at/mock relentlessly if I was in the right frame of mind.
16. The mere thought of people being mean to GAA managers
Me, hungover: “But they’re trying their best!”
17. The concept of time going by really fast.
Me, hungover: “Before I know where I am, I’ll be in a GRAVE.”
18. Thinking of all the memories that One Direction share
Me, hungover: “It’s just been such a crazy rollercoaster for them. We can’t even comprehend.”
19. When RTÉ switched from analogue to digital
Me, hungover: “I mean I don’t even really understand the difference, but technology just seems to be moving really fast and I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all.”
First published August 2015