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Dublin: 8 °C Wednesday 21 March, 2018

17 tweets every Irish person can relate to about getting older

We’re so old.

1. When you looked at the Longitude Line up and then tried to talk about it to your cousin who’s doing the Junior Cert

2. And activities like swimming, that were so exhilarating when you were younger, no longer appeal to you


3. And you know the regrettable truth of this all too well

4. All of which makes you worried that you’re past it and you’ll never do anything interesting again

5. And you’re nostalgic for a time when the news wasn’t dominated by an orange man with tiny hands and you couldn’t imagine a scandal bigger than this

6. And this is painfully relatable

7. When you go home for the Easter weekend and solemnly vow to break the cycle of pain and raise your children differently so they’ll never suffer like you had to


8. And you complain to anyone who will listen about how it was back in your day

9. But you also know that there are loads much less fortunate than you

10. But you’re also annoyed that you’ll never be able to afford a daycent house unless Leo’s parents can spare you some extra cash

11. So you dream up that you’ll move abroad before remembering that you spent your secondary school French classes thinking up witty bebo captions for your other half

12. Then there’s the cruel realisation that adult life is nothing like the glory days of college and it’s generally frowned upon to watch random youtube videos at 3pm on a Tuesday


13. So you spend your days fantasizing about giving up your job to do something creative

14. When your Aunts relentlessly ask you why you’re single so this seems like a good option to shut them up

15. And it dawns on you that maybe you’ve no boy/girlfriend because you spend too much time scrolling  on the Fat Jew’s Instagram, cackling to yourself like an old witch

16. But then you recall the last disappointing time you brought home a mediocre Irish lad/lass from Coppers and think that maybe food is more satisfying

17. But being Irish, you know that even if you do end up alone there’s one thing that will never let you down


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