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Dublin: 14 °C Friday 28 October, 2016

12 things Irish Mams say… and what they really mean

A definitive guide.

1. Isn’t it well for some?

some Source: Flickr

Translation: Hmm, how did they afford that now?

2. Try on the top here, nobody’s looking at you!

trying Source: Flickr

Translation: I’m actually fairly sure I saw your teacher from junior infants over there, but I’m going to keep that to myself for now. Now slip on the skirt over your jeans like a good girl!

3. Adele tickets? Oh, that’d be really lovely now.

adele Source: Adele/Instagram

Translation: If you don’t get me Adele tickets for Christmas, I will disown you all.

4. Eoin got me a *lovely* bath set.

bah Source: Flickr

Translation: Eoin didn’t pick up on my 1,298 hints about Adele and has really gone down in my estimation.

5. Get well soon, LOL!

getwell Source: Flickr

Translation: Yes, I’m still operating under the assumption that “LOL” means “lots of love”.

6. Would you like some Evening Primrose Oil?

eveningprim Source: Flickr

Translation: I’m sensing that you’re menstrual. (Also, I bought seventeen tubs of Evening Primrose Oil in Holland & Barrett in their 1c sale.)

7. He’s very… comfortable.

donald Source: Donald Trump/Instagram

Translation: Forbes named him the 7th richest man in the world last year.

8. Will you have a cup of tea?

tea Source: Flickr

Translation: Ha! Rhetorical question. You have no say in this matter.

9. “I didn’t like what Charlotte O’Hanson wore.”

PA-22853884 Source: PBG/EMPICS Entertainment

Translation: I didn’t like what Scarlett Johansson wore.

10. A letter came for you. Do you want me to open it?


Translation: Too late, I’ve already opened it and know the contents off by heart.

11. If you’re cold, put a jumper on.

heater Source: Flickr

Translation: I am Mam, Benevolent Controller of the Central Heating, and I’m not turning on the heating until I can see my own breath.

12. I’ll say a prayer to St. Anthony for you.

anthony Source: Dennis Jarvis/Flickr

Translation: LOL, you’re f**ked.

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