IF YOU FEEL like you nose-dived into adulthood without so much as a warning klaxon, you’re not alone.
As a child, you associate certain ages with certain levels of adulthood, but as an adult, your understanding of adulthood is much more complex.
In fact, some of us are still waiting for the moment we feel like real-life adults, and not children masquerading as grown-ups.
As a result, some of us have yet to master skills and amass experience which might suggest we’ve gotten a hold of this whole adulting thing.
So, without further ado, here are all the things I still cannot do.
1. I cannot drive.
Louis Theroux once suggested on a podcast with Adam Buxton that not being able to drive was vaguely juvenile.
And the hurt that zipped through me cast a long and painful shadow.
Said outloud that I don’t consider myself a functioning adult. The first step to overcoming your problems is to admit them, right? 🤷🏻♀️😅 #cannotadult
— kaitlyn (@kaitlynnbrewerr) January 19, 2018
2. I don’t understand mortgages.
I mean, I know what a mortgage is obviously, but the knowledge is very superficial.
Talk of fixed term, long-term, tracker and, you know, all the rest makes my brain feel like it’s folding in half.
#mortgagefear #mortgage in principle confirmed! Do they have the right person!?
— bgah (@romas1138) February 13, 2014
3. I certainly don’t understand pensions.
Do I set one up myself? Can my mam do it for me?
Can YOUR mam do it for me?
Fact: I'm a fucking mess and my friends are always saving me from myself and my messed up life. #cantadult #isuck
— maya✨ (@mayagonzaleza) March 28, 2018
4. I still feel like a child around my parents’ friends.
If you want to watch me morph back into an awkward adolescent, place me in front of my parents’ peers.
Look at me while I make awkward Beavis and Butthead sniggering noises at my own inappropriate jokes.
I've adulted for 5 months now and I've decided it's not for me. I'm just gunna build a blanket fort and hide while watching cbbc. #cannotadult #hatelife #willalwaysbeachild 😔
— Sarah Ackroyd (@sarahackroyd95) January 31, 2018
5. I think going to the Post Office is up there with scaling Everest.
I’m fine with GP visits, have no hassle picking up the phone and making appointments, but if I have a card or parcel that requires the services of the local Post Office staff, I’m fresh out of nerves.
And on that same point, why is it so hard to buy a single stamp?
Things that are not as painful to get done as they seem: Every adult errand, ever. #dentist #postoffice #ytho
— Liz Welsh (@LizTweetsTech) June 28, 2017
6. I cannot get my head around Five-Year Plans
Whether you have one set in stone (and laminated a lá Ross Geller) or vaguely nurture one in the back of your mind, you and I are very, very different.
I can rarely stick to a five-day plan, so anything else is like trying to get an octopus into a string bag.
7. I literally refuse point blank to taste the drop of wine the waiter offers.
I cannot. I absolutely cannot do this. I cannot act like I wouldn’t suck it out of a sweaty sock.
And you can’t make me.
8. I can’t bring myself to ask for recommendations off wait staff in restaurants.
And I honestly feel vaguely embarrassed when anyone at my table dares to.
Look, I know it’s no big deal, it’s done the world over millions of times a day, but sorry, that is just too grown-up.
