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Dear Fifi: How do I talk to the mate I shifted?

DailyEdge’s advice columnist Dear Fifi is back with some more sage advice and subtle smackdowns.

dearfifiheader

What’s occurring? The relentless march of time has once more persisted and it’s somehow Tuesday again – which, on the upside, means a brand new Dear Fifi column. 

Last week’s article was notable for three reasons. Firstly, I got my first piece of anonymous abuse. Secondly, I got an anonymous appeal to sell a lad a pair of my socks. (Which, no.) And thirdly, and to be honest by far most importantly, one of last week’s letter-writers got back in touch to give us an update on her married boyfriend. Read the column here and her update right here. Life sure does come at you fast. 

Let’s get down to business.

dearfifibar

Dear Fifi,

I really need your advice on how to handle/approach this guy I am seeing/sort of seeing. As you can see from my previous sentence, I myself am not sure. We met through our circle of friends three months back. We had a few small chats over Whatsapp. Every time we have seen each other, we would just eye each other from across the room. But last week everything changed.  

Wow! At a function with our circle of friends he came and sat next to me and we started chatting.  It was a meaningful chat.  By the end of the night we had hands on each others legs and he brushed my back a few times with his hand. I felt like a teenager again. When I was leaving and was saying goodbye to all, I hugged him and as I walked away he pulled me back and he kissed me like I had never been kissed before.  The next few days was magical, the texting, the feeling that we both wanted to see each other again. We enjoyed a night out together on the weekend, it was mind blowing. 

4 days later it is like everything has gone, back to the way it was when first met.  Help!

You have to ask him straight what’s going on. A direct question, no ifs or buts – a question, by the way, you’re completely entitled to ask at this stage in proceedings. There’s no shame in asking for what you want. Consider it an insurance policy against potential months of missed signals and head-wrecking. Don’t accept a vague reply either. He’ll either respect your open communication or back away from it, and either way you’ve got your answer on how he feels about you.

But consider this. Not sending a message is sending a message. You have to prepare yourself for the potential outcome that he may not have felt or continued to feel the same way you do. On the one hand, he could be really busy or not realise that getting in touch was needed so soon. He might be waiting for you to make the first move. On the flipside, he could think things have fizzled and be choosing to ghost you. You won’t know unless you ask, so ask you must.

I’m not saying you demand a relationship and mortgage down payment, just a clear confirmation of interest. A simple, breezy Whatsapp would work: “Hey! I’ve been thinking about you. I’d love to see you again. Would you like to go for a drink this Friday? I totally get it if you’re not interested, but sure let me know.” (You can practically feel the Arctic air coming off that right? That’s right, I’m basically Hugh Hefner with these lines. Burn your copies of The Game, fellas.)

But before you do craft that all important missive to test the waters… I’m going to say something here that might be a little out of line, but I feel honour-bound to you to say it.

Wow!
I felt like a teenager again
He kissed me like I had never been kissed before
Mind blowing

These are all your own words. Maybe when said back to you, you can see they’re a little full-on. Easy tiger. Are your feet on the ground? Make sure you’re not rushing into anything or putting too much pressure on a budding relationship. There’s nothing that’ll extinguish a spark quicker than depriving it of air. Approach with caution and channel your inner Arctic breeze for a while.

Good luck with the text and good luck with the response. I really hope it works out!

dearfifibar

So I don’t find my girlfriend physically attractive any more. Yes she is still good looking but she doesn’t turn me on anymore. I’d love if she changed her sense of dress, as she has moved away from being well put together to being slopped together with poor style. 

It’s getting me down and I keep checking out lots of different women now. 

What should I do?

Break up with her. You’ll get what you want, and I think she deserves better.

dearfifibar

Want to talk?

Confess a story, ask for help or just shout into the void for a bit and see if that helps. All welcome. Anonymity totally guaranteed always. 

Check out previous advice>

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