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Dublin: 9 °C Thursday 18 October, 2018
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11 of the saddest rental properties in Dublin this August

Any recommendations on where to emigrate to?

1. This studio apartment is going for €650 in Oldbawn, Tallaght.

That’s €650 for a property that’s about an hour outside of Dublin City Centre.

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It’s also extremely unsuitable for anyone who is prone to sitting upright all of a sudden after a nightmare about the Dublin property market, due to the fact there’s about 4 inches between the bed and the ceiling.

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2. And this studio in Knocklyon is currently available for €850.

The property description describes this studio apartment as ‘Magnificent’. We’ll leave you to decide whether or not that’s a bit of a stretch.

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Yes, that’s the bed. Bit narrow, so be careful rolling over. A guardrail certainly wouldn’t go amiss.

Opposite the bed, we’ve got the kitchen, which appears to have been put together by someone who has never spent a single minute considering how a human being behaves in a kitchen.

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Yet another barely accessible sink. Just because you can fit all of that stuff in one room, doesn’t mean that you should.

Not only is it extremely awkward, but it’s probably fairly dangerous too. Imagine you were washing your hands in the sink and your ponytail accidentally went into the frying pan.

3. This €1,100 Templeogue studio apartment is just a little bit infuriating.

So basically, it’s a kitchen…

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With two beds in it.

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And nothing else. Amazingly, the price varies depending on the number of occupants. Nothing more or nothing less is being offered, but it’s €1,100 for two people and €900 for one person.

The overview also says “The room has recently been renovated and can be furnished to a reasonable student specifications.” Are we really supposed to believe that when it hasn’t even been furnished to a regular person’s specifications? Where’s the dining table?

4. Here’s what €950 will get you in Ranelagh.

All of the photos of this property look like they were taken by someone who was running through the property.

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What was the rush? Why did the photographer want to get out of here so urgently?

5. This Grangegorman studio apartment is priced differently depending on how long you plan on staying.

What could possibly be worse than sleeping in a kitchen? Sleeping on a bunk-bed in a kitchen.

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The prices are as follows: €1,150 for a one month stay, €1,075 per month if you stay for two months, €1,025 per month if you stay for three months, or €970 per month if you’re staying longer than three months. This doesn’t include electricity.

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At least it has a back garden.

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6. This €1,100 p/m Tallaght studio apartment only includes one photograph.

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Great pic. You might be thinking “Oh, it’s hard to take a photo while the current tenants are there. ” Well, according to the overview, it’s “vacant at present” and is immediately available.

There’s nothing stopping the person in charge of this listing from tidying up and taking a few photos from other angles that don’t look like the inside of a tin of Ronseal.

7. What can you get for €1,100 per month in Rathgar?

Well, four different kitchens fused together into one.

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A tiny bathroom.

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And a mismatched sitting room, featuring a fireplace that has been replaced with a radiator.

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All of that wrapped up into the ground floor flat of a semi-D for just 66% of an average month’s wages.

8. This property in Clondalkin, which appears to be a renovated sauna, is going for €1,200.

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Probably wise of the landlord to try and shift this property as we near the impending climate change apocalypse. If you don’t know how hot wooden rooms get during the summer, you’re very lucky.

There’s no escape from the heat (or the varnished panel walls and ceiling) up that spiral staircase, either. The bedroom is designed similarly.

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9. This Ringsend flat costs €1,200 and has the most bizarre layout we’ve ever seen.

So here’s the front door, from the outside. Pay close attention to the fact that there are no doors beside it.

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And here’s what it looks like from the inside:

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Why is there a tiny  door beside the front door? Or is that the backdoor? A backdoor in a bedroom is strange, but we’ve seen worse. It doesn’t explain the miniature door though. Is it like one of those optical illusions in the Leprechaun Museum?

It only gets weirder when we look at the kitchen.

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Yes, that’s another door leading to the street outside. How? Perhaps that wooden kitchen door leads to a porch. In that case, why are the blinds on the inside different to the blinds on the outside of the house? We need Bloggers Unveiled on the case.

10. This Palmerstown apartment costs €1,100 per month.

There’s a pretty weird setup in the bedroom.

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Two beds. Nothing we’ve never encountered before. For some reason, at the end of the bed, there are two office chairs sitting directly in front of the beds.

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As I said earlier, just because you can fit random bits of furniture into a room, does not mean that you should.

11. And for €700 in Phibsborough, you could have the keys to this property.

This is one of two photographs, but it says it all. Wavy mirror bought in IKEA ten years ago? Check. Oven from the 1960s? Check. A major obstacle needlessly making the oven inaccessible? Check.

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The second, and final photo, is the bathroom.

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We don’t even know if there’s a toilet.

Have a look at all of the other sad properties we’ve spotted>

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About the author:

Kelly Earley

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