IRISH FATHERS ARE a rare breed.
While not in the least bit demonstrative with their affection, there’s no denying the fact they’d bend over backwards for you… as long as it doesn’t interfere with the Six One News or The Sunday Game, that is.
In saying all that, the man has limits, and he hasn’t gotten this far in life without picking up a thing or two along the way – most of which he is at pains to remind you of on a regular basis.
We mean, there’s no talking to him on the following…
1. Well, there’s the way you don’t know you’re born.
He cycled to school on a bike with no front wheel, and here you are complaining that there’s no parking spots near your favourite brunch spot.
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2. Oh, and then there’s fact your car is definitely on its uppers.
You know well that that rattling is nothing more than an earring which has slid beneath the driver’s seat, but he’s adamant you were taken for a ride by that crowd in the dealership.
3. And what about the way there’s no talking to your mother?
Regardless of the mood she’s in, there’ll come some point in the day when your father will convince himself (and anyone who’d listen) that you’re better off steering clear.
4. Then there’s the crowd over beyond who’d buy and sell you.
Oh, they saw you coming a mile off, but not him.
They’ve a tidy measure of him and know better than to chance their arm.
5. And what about the way the dog knows to bark at bills?
If there’s one thing the family pet is good for it’s putting the runner on the postman and his bills – something your dad has mentioned once a day for the last 20 years.
6. And the fact a small bit of superglue is all you’d need for that.
Whether it’s the leg of a chair or the leg of a sibling, Irish dads have no time for dramatics, so best to just walk it off.
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7. Oh, and what about the daylight robbery that is rent these days?
To be fair, we’re all with him on that one.
8. He also knows ALL about the swizz that is Ryanair’s low fares.
What good is getting a seat for €9.99 when Michael O’Leary will soon charge you to take a p*ss?
He’ll be sticking with Aer Lingus for as long as is needed, thanks very much.
9. And what about the gobshi*te who’s never off the telly?
There’s nothing Irish dads love more than hating someone.
You’d swear he watches the programme simply to bask in his hatred for that bloke.
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10. Then there’s the national disgrace that is… pretty much everything.
There’s the aforementioned bloke, the government, and the one who cut him off on main street last week, they’re all a shower of national disgraces.
11. And there’s no fooling him about that extra-long mass on All Ireland Sunday.
No matter what GMT might tell everyone else, he’ll know that the parish priest stalled longer than usual after Communion because he knew half the congregation had their heart set on a pint.
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12. Or the carry-on of young ones today.
It wasn’t like that back in his day, he’ll tell you that much for free.
But he’ll charge you for the rest… weh, weh, weh.
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13. And let’s not forget the fact you used get change out of a fiver for a pint.
And if he’s of a certain vintage, he may have even gotten a toasted ham and cheese sandwich in there as well.
