‘The tide is turning’. ‘We’re in the middle of a shift’. ‘Change is coming’.
#MeToo and #TimesUp, social movements which were created in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal last October, have been lauded for the impact they have had on public consciousness in matters of gender equality and women’s rights.
And since their advent, considerable attention has been focussed on the male response.
As of late last year, we have learned that men have been given for pause for thought, that some have been left reeling by the revelations, and that many more are only short of blundering blindly into one another, yelling: “Did you know about this?”
And while undoubtedly true in a vast number of cases, it would be shortsighted to suggest that these movements haven’t had a similar effect on women.
While naturally viewing the issue from different perspectives, the sense of realisation born of these global movements is no less impactful.
Indeed, while speaking on An Irishman Abroad podcast in recent weeks, Laura Whitmore made reference to a particular response many women will relate to following the events of the last six months.
There was a lot of things you put up with in the past and didn’t really think about because it became so ingrained. Well, that’s life. You walk home at night, someone might try and attack me, we better have someone walk home with me. You just never let a woman walk home by herself, but you never think why.
It’s only now, with this [the movements] that we’re going back over a memory rolodex, and thinking ‘Actually all of that crap that I’ve had to deal with the whole time that’s not OK’.
Reflecting on her teenage experience of cat-calling as well as her approach to personal safety, she added:
You’d almost think ‘Stupid me if I walk down a dark alley by myself, I better take the long way round’. But that was just life and it’s only now you’re going ‘Why have we put up with this?’ And I’ve only just realised, talking to the men in my life, they didn’t grow up that way.
Growing up in societies where we internalise various levels of misogyny and accept certain ‘norms’ as routine means that when these ‘norms’ are forced under the spotlight, we feel compelled to take stock and reassess exactly we’ve accepted as standard procedure.
Laura’s fellow guest, Roisin Conaty, elaborated on the realisation, and the response born of it.
We have internalised misogyny. We were raised in this culture. We were soaked in it. I constantly have to challenge myself because I was raised in a patriarchy. You’re learning every day.
We are also part of the culture. It’s something we all have to address. Not just ourselves, but how we judge other women, how we talk about other women. It’s subconscious, but you’ve learned how to speak about women in a certain way, or judge women really harshly.
The revelations born of these movements cannot be underestimated, and on a personal level, the one which I found most jarring was the number of times I prioritised manners over my own sense of safety and comfort in cases of unwanted attention from strangers.
A desire – born of years of gender-specific teaching – to be amenable or to come across as acquiescent meant I regularly allowed myself to feel vulnerable, so as not to offend in certain situations.
Strained smiles, forced laughs, feigned niceties are among a woman’s arsenal of responses when confronted with a situation she feels uncomfortable, and anything stronger is often used as a last resort.
Subconciously, we utilise the milder reponse so as not to escalate a situation, but often times we do it simply because this is what we have been taught.
And on those occasions when I haven’t simply opted for manners, and instead sought assistance?
It doesn’t always work in our favour.
I have been accused of ‘causing a fuss’ by barmen and bouncers when I have called out the inappropriate behaviour of a patron, leaving me to question what recourse is available to women if we choose not to opt for the ingrained response.
A shriek? A slap? A shove?
Not only is this not something the vast majority of women would like to resort to, it also places them in a considerably more vulnerable position for obvious reasons.
So, we have continued to do what we have been taught to do for as long as many of us can remember; ignore catcalls, smile tightly at unwanted advances, and give fake numbers so as not to offend.
The resounding response to the launch of these movements has been to question how men have reacted and adapted to the revelations born of them, while the lesser-discussed issue is how women will react and adapt.
We have lived and, to some extent, accepted a particular reality, and we are now compelled to reassess what we used to consider an unfortunate aspect of daily life.
The tide is indeed turning, we are in the middle of a shift, and change certainly is coming, but it’s worth remembering that that tide, this shift and those changes – while undoubtedly welcome, much fought for and desperately wanted – may actually take a little getting used to.
