PACKAGE HOLIDAYS: ONE to two weeks of sun, chlorine, and ice cream in Menorca, Majorca, Mallorca, or wherever floated your parents’ boat.
Blissfully unaware of the money spent getting you there in the first place, you spent the time pleading with your folks for tacky souvenirs. And really, they were very tacky.
1. Those useless giant pencils
The biggest joke of all. How they teased you with the little packet of minature pencils that swung off them. You could use neither! But still you craved them.
2. Braids
Bound to earn you respect back home, until you had to cut it off and live with a little tuft of hair sprouting from your head.
3. Or alternatively, cornrows
Culturally iffy now, certainly. But back then it was the thing to do, and your parents were only delighted to let some woman pull the head off you for a half an hour while they had a drink.
4. Henna tattoos
You were very careful here since you read about a girl who was scarred by her henna tattoo in Mizz once.
She had the outline of a dolphin on her ankle for the rest of her life… But it might be worth it?
5. Those necklaces with your name written in tiny lettering on a grain of rice
Absolutely pointless. BUT HOW DID THEY DO IT?
6. Fake Pokémon cards
No one needed to know that you didn’t get that shiny Charmander through sheer luck or excellent trading skillz.
7. Any sort of lilo
You’d ideally want the one shaped like a turtle, or maybe a small dinghy, but you’d go for a run-of-the-mill one as well. Just any inflatable, please.
8. These ice creams
Here’s the sad fact about Punky the Penguin: The ice cream contained in his belly was disappointing. But he was amazing, and made for an excellent pool toy.
9. Hairbands with your name written on them in Puff Paint
They’d do it specially for you and you’d come back and collect it! Such a boon if you had a name that didn’t usually appear on hairbands or keyrings, like Caoimhe or Sinéad or, say, Valerie. *looks forlorn*
10. A woven bracelet that you wore for approximately two minutes back at school
“Hey, like no big deal or anything but I was on holiday.” *places arm conspicuously across desk*
11. And these stylish t-shirts
As fluorescent as possible, with ‘Majorca’ in huge letters over a leaping dolphin. To match your henna tattoo, of course. It’s FASHION henny, look it up.
