LIKE MANY IRISH people, my sense of humour is based predominantly in self-deprecation.
And for better or worse, I gravitate towards that same sense of humour in other people.
I like humility in a person and if they can parcel it up and present it in a humorous way, I’m fairly sold.
The idea that humility is such an important trait is a fairly entrenched one, but it has its loopholes. In other words, I’m one of those people who might post a flattering enough photo, but won’t accompany it with any caption that reinforces the same.
We all know it fools no one, but I feel like it lets me off the hook somewhat. I’ve posted the picture, so I need to at least cushion it with a little light self-loathing, you know yourself.
Honestly, at this stage, it feels like a default action.
But default or not, this approach has become more and more derided in recent times, with people viewing self-deprecation as less default, and more disingenuous.
Take Chrissy Teigen and Jennifer Lawrence for example.
Both women initially charmed the masses by appearing more relatable than other Hollywood elite. They sent themselves up in interviews and regularly employed self-deprecating humour both online and in public but over time, this began to wear thin.
Jennifer is regularly parodied by both the public and her peers for her ‘adorkable’ persona while Chrissy is not oblivious to the cynical narrative that surrounds her ‘I’m-just-like-you’ online presence.
But no matter how thin it wears, it would take a lot for me to post something that openly compliments myself; I’m Irish at the end of the day.
However, the real problem with self-deprecating humour is that it often bleeds into other aspects of your life. And the worst part? People begin believing what you say about yourself.
Joke enough that you’re useless at this or clueless about that, and others will internalise it. Consistently do it, and you inadvertently give people reason to do the same.
The older I get, the more frequently this has been brought home to me. From the academic arena to the professional environment, relying on self-deprecation too frequently is utterly self-destructive.
Now, I’m of the school of thought that believes the rules which govern self-deprecation should run parallel to the ones that govern the family/ outsider dynamic. You can criticise every last member of your own family, but woe betide anyone else who dares do it.
This is not the same as someone being unable to take a joke or synonymous with taking themselves too seriously. No, it’s about accepting that one person’s proclivity for self-deprecation is not an invite to take every self-assessment at face value at best, or belittle them, at worst.
And yet if this should happen, who is actually to blame?
They’re only repeating what you’ve told them of yourself; they’re simply internalising your sentiments and using it to create an image of you.
Every one of us has the advantage of presenting a particular picture of ourselves to the wider world, and most people respond to what they’ve been presented with.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Consistent self-deprecation that bleeds into every aspect of your life goes along away towards providing that consent.
