THERE WERE FEW events more exciting for a kid back in the 90s than the moment word landed that permission for a slumber party had finally been granted.
It is, at this point, important to note that a slumber party is quite distinct from a sleepover.
The latter was usually an impromptu event attended by just yourself and your best mate, who managed to get permission during a desperate phonecall with their mam from your house three minutes before they were due back in theirs.
The former, on the other hand, was a full-on event for the social calendar, requiring at least a fortnight of preparation, multiple discussions and countless meetings.
But, unless you were particularly fortunate, slumber parties were always… well… a bit of a letdown.
And here’s why…
1. Someone always got really thick.
There was always at least one guest who ended up getting the hump, and sat there with a face like a slapped arse for most of the night.
Whether it was because they had no interest in playing Truth or Dare, had been forced into pranking a neighbour or were generally a bit of a buzzkill, this person was no longer here for the craic.
And everyone kind of wished they’d just go home.
2. One person was always happy to be sleep by 10pm and one person had plans for an all-nighter.
Striking the balance on the sleeping front was an absolute nightmare, and caused absolute fecking ructions when the first person cracked and admitted they were ready to turn in.
Turning-in wasn’t an option with the group’s resident insomniac, however, and it wasn’t long before people were coming to blows over the amount of sleep permitted at a slumber party.
3. You were generally kind of cold and uncomfortable.
Setting up camp on a sitting room floor doesn’t exactly invite a night of comfort, but you always forgot that when you were excitedly packing for your night ahead.
But at approximately 4am when you were certain you had memorised every last swirl on your mate’s mam’s carpet and counted every last crumb nestling between the fibres of the rug, you remembered why it took you about two days to recover from a slumber party.
4. The scary movie you got your hands on was never as good as you anticipated.
Well, that’s not entirely accurate.
For all you know, the horror could have been absolutely incredible, but trying to get people to watch it for more than ten minutes without demanding toilet breaks, or to switch viewing positions or rewind a particular scene was an absolute melt.
Oh, and the fact you had to keep switching over any time you heard a parent’s footsteps approach didn’t exactly help to create an atmosphere.
5. Someone also suggested something you really didn’t want to do.
After a feed of junk food and a litre of Coke, someone always went rogue.
And it was practically guaranteed that that same person would suggest something that was bound to get the whole lot of you in serious sh*t.
Demented on sugar, they generally couldn’t be reasoned with, and were nothing but a liability for the rest of the night.
6. You generally revealed something you later regretted.
Slumber parties were a tricky thing because in theory you wanted to contribute heart and soul, but in reality you knew you’d live to regret it.
And yes, we’re obviously talking about the time you spilled all the tea, assuming that your friends were a trustworthy bunch.
Naturally, you were wrong.
7. You always got caught doing prank calls.
Long before you had your own phone, you were forced to rely on the house phone for all your pranking needs.
And this meant crowding around a landline and forcing your mates to remember the best pranks they had seen on Sister Sister and Sweet Valley High.
But as the house phone was generally kept in the front hall, your cover was blown fairly quickly and you were given an unmerciful b*llocking by your mate’s dad.
8. Lack of internet meant you couldn’t get to the bottom of some very pertinent queries.
Look, we all know slumber parties were used as an opportunity to bring up every single sex-related question you might have.
It was also a time to accidentally lead your friends astray with a plethora of myths and mistruths you had heard on the subject. Talk about the blind leading the blind.
As a result you left most of these discussions more confused than ever.
9. You woke up feeling like you’d been run over.
Your teeth were covered in a coating that an entire weekend of brushing couldn’t shift, you were vaguely chilly and you felt like you could sleep for a week.
And if you were the first person to wake up, you were forced to endure your mate’s family’s Saturday morning routine through the glass-plated living room doors from your vantage point on the floor.
