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Dublin: 4 °C Monday 19 March, 2018

17 feelings that sum up the experience of watching First Dates Ireland

Every week.

firstdates Source: RTÉ

1. Taking an immediate, irrational dislike to one particular couple near the start of the show.

“I dunno, there’s just something not right with them.”

2. And then ten minutes later, realising that they’re actually pretty sound.

3. Confidently predicting that a couple “has something special”, even though they’ve merely exchanged awkward pleasantries at the bar.

firstdatesireland Source: RTÉ 2 Facebook

4. Noting once again that the barman is a serious ride and quipping: “there’s a reason they couldn’t get an Irish guy for it, wha?”

5. Confused that it’s the middle of the afternoon outside. You couldn’t even get some pre-drinks in because you’d be getting ready at about 9am.

6. And why do they have work the next morning?

“Yeah, I’m driving back home to Galway this evening, actually have work tomorrow.”


buzzruined Source: RTE

7. Briefly imagining what you would wear if you went on.

8. If you’re watching it with your boyfriend/girlfriend, having a detailed discussion about how the situation would play out if you met each other on the show.

“I’d say we’d get on well!”

9. Secretly thinking you’d come across as really sound, a national treasure.

swash4 Source: RTE

10. Feeling anxious when they spend ages in the jacks on the phone.

The person at the table casually there thinking: “yeah, they’ve spent more than five minutes in a toilet with no queues.”

11. Being constantly surprised that there isn’t more drunken shitetalk on display.

Worryingly low levels every single week, except for Ciaran:

bami6 Source: RTE

12. Judging someone’s whole life and personality based on one jokey comment that was edited to make them look bad.

Never changing this opinion as long as you live.

13. Thinking that half the contestants would probably prefer to be going on a date with Mateo.

swash Source: RTE

14. Curling up into a compact ball of awkwardness at the mere suggestion of the bill. Someone will inevitably “only have a card” and you’d rather destroy your television than continue watching.

15. In the joint interview: “Oh my god they’re going to let their date go first and then say no after. THIS SHOULD BE A CRIME PUNISHABLE BY LAW.”

You watch it unfold in front of you but there’s nothing that can be done.

aido8 Source: RTE

16. Why doesn’t anyone ever full on shift at the end? Yeah grand, they went to the pub after.

sinead3 Source: RTÉ Player

Once in a blue moon do people actually lob it in.

17. That feeling of disappointment when you’d invested heavily in a couple the whole way through, imagined them getting married in a few years time because they’re perfect and then it turns out “sparks didn’t fly” or something equally as coy.

“Ah bollix.”

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About the author:

David Elkin

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