RAISINS ARE SNEAKY. Butter is sneaky. But the sneakiest of all foods is the onion.
It shows up everywhere, unasked, bringing its manky smell and weird texture with it. And no matter how many times you say “no onions”, the onions appear.
It is sick and it is wrong.
1. Cheek of it, turning up in burgers when you specifically asked for it not to
2. Or worse still, showing up completely unannounced
Restaurants: Please list ALL the contents of the burger. Onions included.
3. When people tell you “Oh but onions give so much flavour!” and you’re like WHO ASKED YOU
4. Biting into a deli sandwich and realising a rogue onion got in
Which of you betrayed me, eh? Which one of you concealed it? Chicken or cheese?
5. Seeing it slithering about on your pizza
Honestly how dare you.
6. Or sprinkled over something that would otherwise be nice
7. Would you like some hot dog with your onion, sir?
8. When you actually need to spell it out
9. Cos you had to hunt the bloody thing out
10. The actual effort of it
11. WE SAID NO ONIONS, OK
ENOUGH WITH THE ONIONS.
