ANY WOMAN WHO has ever shopped on the high street will know that the likes of River Island, Topshop and Zara can be very puzzling places.
Every time you go in there, you’re likely to ask questions like…
1. How come your sizes make absolutely no sense?
Can you guys not come together and collectively decide what a size 10, 12 and 14 is? As it is, we’re a size 8 in TopShop, a size 12 in Zara and a size 10 in River Island.
Get it together, lads.
2. Do you honestly think we’re going to buy this “damaged item” or are you just chancing your arm?
That dress has no zip and is covered in fake tan stains, and you’re still trying to flog it for €24.
Do you really think anyone’s going to buy it?
3. Why would you ever think that curtains in a changing room are a good idea?
No, but seriously.
What if someone pulls the curtains back when we’re standing there in our bra and knickers? Are you going to pay for our therapy?
4. Are the mirrors/lighting in your changing rooms deliberately unflattering or…?
Why is the lighting so bloody harsh? And why are there mirrors everywhere? We don’t need to be aware of how our arse looks from every single angle.
Are you trying to make us feel bad about ourselves?
5. Why don’t you make clothes for us short gals?
Hey, over here! All of us gals under 5’4 would like to wear maxi dresses, but unfortunately they trail about three feet behind us because they’re so damned long.
:(
6. Why do you have clothes on the mannequin that aren’t even available in the shop?
“Sorry, is that dress on the mannequin available in a size 10?”
“Oh, we don’t have that in stock.”
7. Why do you only have crop tops for sale and no normal tops in sight?
Don’t get us wrong: we like crop tops.
But sometimes we just want a normal top or a jumper and not a fluorescent crop top that is frankly only suitable for wearing in Ayia Napa.
8. Why do you get rid of all the summer clothes in August?
Perhaps you’re not aware of this fact, but seasons mean nothing here in Ireland. Sure, the weather is mostly a bit crap, but we are still liable to get a heatwave in September.
By introducing chunky knits and winter coats into the shops in August, you’re only jinxing the possibility of good weather. And what of the poor people going on holidays in September/October? Where are they going to buy their bikinis?
Get it together, lads.
9. Why is the music so loud?
Look: we like to hear a good pop song playing in a shop as much as the next gal.
But this is not bloody Copper’s and the volume only stresses us out.
Turn it down.
10. Do you not realise that girls with big boobs want to wear bikinis too?
Is it that hard to make cute bikinis in bigger sizes? Not everyone is an A/B/C cup.
11. And you do realise that women who are size 16+ still want to wear nice clothes, right?
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Do you not realise that there are women size 16 and up who want to wear nice, stylish clothes? Furthermore, do you not understand that they will in fact pay good money for them?
Seems like smart business to us.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
