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Dublin: 0 °C Wednesday 17 January, 2018
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9 stages of shite talk Irish lads go through in the pub

It’s an artform.

8.15pm: A precise assessment of the quality of the drink

Beer Animated GIF Source: Giphy

Said with all the confidence of a professional drink tester after one sip: “’tis a good pint tonight.”

8.47pm: Merciless craic about people you used to go to school with

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Even though they haven’t spoken to them in about eight years – with all information derived from social media.

9.22pm: Ludicrous sport hypotheticals

rafa-fist-pump Source: Businessinsider

“Could you beat Rafael Nadal at tennis if he was blindfolded?”

9.26pm: And then into a full blown sports-related argument

the42 Source: The42

“I think it was actually Jason McAteer that started on the left wing in that match.”

It takes about fifteen minutes for somebody to just Google the answer because of pride.

10.02pm: Wild speculation on who will be out later

tumblr_inline_n2ryycJEqe1qm9y0a Source: Tumblr

Based on hearsay and a vague Whatsapp.

10.44pm: The detailing of a long list of people the group deem to be w***ers

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Every group of lads has a collective enemy or enemies. After a few pints, they start getting reeled out until the point that a definitive list has been agreed upon.

11.22pm: The retelling of anecdotes about a major night out from about three years ago where something gas happened

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A group project, where everyone can contribute their own hazy take on what happened years ago. If you weren’t there, you just have to laugh along at the antics.

12.16pm: An in-depth analysis of how busy various places will be about the town

Queue Source: *sax

“Ah now, the queues are a disgrace, we surely can’t go there.”

After 1am: Inaudible mutterings about how serious the craic is

Club-8 Source: Bex Wade

You’re on to the nightclub, all attempts at actual good quality shite talk are a waste of everyone’s time.

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About the author:

David Elkin

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