EARLIER THIS WEEK, Enda Kenny assured parliamentary party members that he would make plans to step aside after his St. Patrick’s Day jaunt to Washington DC.
Since then, the media has been rife with speculation as to who might succeed Enda as leader of Fine Gael.
Among those touted as potential successors are Leo Varadkar, Simon Coveney, Paschal Donohoe, Simon Harris, Richard Bruton and Frances Fitzgerald, although it’s looking increasingly likely that it will be a two-horse race between Coveney and Varadkar.
To get a better sense of all these candidates, we decided to take a look at their Twitter accounts. After all, you can learn a lot about someone from their Twitter account…
Simon Coveney
The first thing you notice when you visit Simon Coveney’s Twitter account is that he is not in possession of a blue tick. Perhaps he doesn’t care and wants to be an unverified man of the people. Or perhaps he’s been trying and failing to get a blue tick since March 2010.
Either way, lol.
Rate the bio
Very straight. No “Dad/husband” flourishes. No indication of whether or not he supports a soccer team or loves Cork.
First tweet
Imagine how many iterations there were of this tweet. “Should I say, ‘Up and running!’ or should I say, ‘Okay, I’ve caved and joined Twitter…’?”
Does he like an auld feud?
He does.
Is he partial to being a bit of a sap?
He is.
Leo Varadkar
Rate the bio
Leo’s bio is the polar opposite to Simon Coveney’s. It contains a reference to fitness and “Has been known to…” fact, showing that he’s both relatable and better than you. It also includes a sneaky humblebrag in the form of “Saviour of the Poolbeg Stacks”.
He’s one step away from saying he suffers from a “crippling addiction to tea”.
First tweet
A dull advisory about his party’s website, which contains a broken link. A lacklustre effort.
Does he retweet parody accounts?
Let’s just say he’s been known to retweet non-sequiturs from a Stewie Griffin parody account that is “NOT affiliated with Family Guy or Fox.”
When you’re happy, you enjoy the music. But when you’re sad you understand the lyrics.
Preach it, Leo.
Has he ever been slated for wearing dirty shoes?
You betcha.
Has he ever used the phrase “chill Willie”?
Yes. *sniggers*
Paschal Donohoe
Rate the bio
Like Simon Coveney, Paschal plays it straight in his Twitter bio. No fun, no banter, no fitness. He’s just here to do his job, okay?
First tweet
A classic of the genre. “Anybody out there?”
Does he like Kanye West?
Bizarrely, yes.
A quick glance through his Twitter reveals that Paschal is somewhat of a music nerd. He has previously tweeted about Arcade Fire, Elbow, Rufus Wainwright, Divine Comedy, Bon Iver, Brandon Flowers, Ryan Adams, Lisa Hannigan and The National.
Casts a shadow on Leo Varadkar’s fondness for Blur, huh?
Has he blamed anything on Simon Coveney?
He preemptively blamed a no-good episode of Mad Men on him.
Is he prone to a bit of Twitter snark?
He is in the way that your Mam is. ”He’ll be remembered all right.”
*knowing glance*
Simon Harris
Rate the bio
Honestly, it might as well be a LinkedIn bio.
First tweet
All politics, baby!
Has he ever posed for a photo with bales of Brennan’s packaging?
Who among us wouldn’t?
Has he ever ate the head off Nigel Farage?
Yes. In fact, he was doing it before it was in vogue.
Richard Bruton
Rate the bio
Richard isn’t afraid to show that he contains multitudes. He’s not just the Minister for Education. He’s a husband, a father, a regular cook, an occasional runner and a swimmer. (Is he a regular, semi-regular or occasional swimmer? We can only guess.)
First tweet
No hellos, no small talk, no niceties – Richard was in campaign mode from the very beginning.
What’s his attitude towards showing up to places in a ministerial capacity?
He loves it. You could even say that he’s… delighted to be there.
Might be time to retire that tweet format, Richard.
Was he delighted to meet Rio Ferdinand?
No.
Was he delighted to meet these trainee apprentices?
No.
Was he delighted to meet the first years of Coláisete Dún an Rí in Kingscourt Cavan on their first day of school?
HELL YES HE WAS.
Frances Fitzgerald
Rate the bio
This bio says, “Frances does not use this website.”
First tweet
Remember when everyone used to write about themselves in the third person on Facebook and Twitter? Thank God that’s over.
Does she count ducks among her constituents?
Apparently so.
Is she lucky that this tweet about Brian Cowen has never resurfaced and been used in relation to Enda?
Probably.
Has she ever encouraged her followers to send a Valentine’s Card that reads, “It’s the economy, cupid”?
Yes. Frances is a romantic, you see.
Verdict
They’re all embarrassing in their own way!
*bangs gavel*
