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Dublin: 10 °C Thursday 22 March, 2018

The Dredge: Which stars had a rubbish Valentine's Day?

The very best of the morning’s celebrity dirt.

EVERY WEEKDAY MORNING, rounds up the best of the day’s celebrity dirt – from the top to the very bottom.

#VALENTINES: Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, and the slebs were eager to show off their perfect goddamn lives for us. So what did they get up to?

Well, Mariah Carey had a kiss that smelt like horse poo:

This means they got someone to hold the phone while they smooched for it. Standard.

Harry Styles went to Nandos on his own. Chicken dinner for one please.

Nice ‘hair wings’, Styler.

And Jim Carrey had these words of wisdom:

That’s a pretty advanced-level smiley there Jim. Winky tongue face with a nose right back atcha.

#NIALLER: Bless Niall Horan. He’s only a Mullingar lad but he wanted to get a tattoo to keep up with his One Direction pals Harry and Zayn.

He decided to get ‘Made In Ireland’ written in green on his buttock – ladies love an arse tattoo, amirite ladies? – but was FOILED. Foiled by his own squidgy arse.

I went to this place in LA but they wouldn’t do it. They said, ‘The skin on your arse is too squidgy. It needs to be tight.’

Morto for Niall’s jelly. (The Sun)

Ol’ Squidgy Bum himself, making a phone call (Matt Crossick/Empics Entertainment)

HER MADGE: In further bum-related news, remember how Madonna joined Instagram the other day? Well she now has 120,000 followers and is continuing to post odd photos. She’s like the Gerry Adams of Instagram.

First, have you seen Madonna’s arse? Of course you have. Well, here it is again, all up in your face. Instabum.

And here she is with a moustache wearing an anorak.


Stop trying to make moustaches happen, Madonna. They are not going to happen.

#TIMBERRR: Justin Timberlake released the video for his comeback song Suit & Tie yesterday. Here’s what happens in it:

  • He gets a massage from a beautiful lady.
  • He drinks brandy with Jay-Z.
  • He dances kind of like a majorette. (But, like, a sexy majorette who’s a man.)

Actually, Justin is really doing all the work in this video. Jay-Z just sits in a chair smoking cigars, then raps about a girl who is “trying to hide her face with some make-up sex”.

Trying to hide her face with a… but… oh, forget it. JUST DANCE, JUSTIN. DANCE FOR US.
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And the rest of the day’s dirt…

  • Britney is in a row over whether she actually sang on her new single. (TMZ)
  • Maggie Smith has never ever watched Downton Abbey. Not even once. Not even the Christmas special. (LA Times)
  • Rihanna and Chris Brown had a ridiculous celebrity tiff in a nightclub. (Mail Online)
  • James Franco nearly got involved in that LAPD shootout. (Radar)
  • Chris Martin looks pretty silly in his hi-tech running gear. (Mail Online)

Yesterday’s Dredge: Which pop starlet drank her own wee?>

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