WANT TO KNOW why some women spend so much time shopping? It’s not because they enjoy it. It’s because they have to deal with all of this.
1. Fake pockets
Are you… Are you joking? It is 2016 and we demand that everything that looks like a pocket IS AN ACTUAL POCKET.
2. Pockets that cannot accommodate the average modern phone
For some reason, the makers of women’s jeans and trousers think that we only need fun-size pockets. This is not true. We need king-size pockets. Pockets down to our knees.
3. Fally-downy tights
We wouldn’t normally yank in public, but when it comes to fally-downy tights, all the rules go out the window. *yanks*
4. Putting on a top and heading out, then realising it’s see-through
This is why we have trust issues.
“Shite” – Kim Kardashian, probably.
5. Hearing a ‘rrrrrpp’ and knowing your jeans have finally succumbed to chub rub
Your jeans had what you thought was a tiny bit of wear on the inner thigh. You climbed the stairs a little too forcefully and…
6. The ‘boob gap’ on blouses and shirts
If you are in any way, and we mean in any way endowed in the breastal area, and you want to wear a shirt – forget about it, or go up two sizes.
7. Outfits that assume you don’t need to wear underwear
Try to find a going out top or dress that doesn’t have a hole or a sheer panel in it. Just try.
8. Seeing a nice top/jumper, then realising it’s cropped
We know it’s not The Style these days, but sometimes we want the few extra inches of fabric. Let us have it.
9. The tyranny of the strapless dress
Someone needs to write an instructional manual on the subtle hoick, because we certainly don’t know how to do it.
10. Having to fish around for the lining of your dress, which has somehow ended up around your waist
GET DOWN FROM THERE.
11. When your deodorant says ‘no marks’, but hark! Marks!
And they don’t go away quietly, let us tell you.
12. Wearing a jumpsuit, and having to get fully naked to wee
OK, so maybe this is our fault for buying them. But we look cute!
13. Snagging a nice jumper on your jewellery
14. And finally, thinking you’ve managed to escape the dreaded panty line…
Then catching sight of your arse in a mirror after you’ve left the house. SCREAM.