IT’S THURSDAY NIGHT, and office workers across the country are venturing out to the pub for a few drinks because nobody can commit fully to spending time together at the weekends.
It usually looks something like this:
1. You reluctantly agree to go along ‘for one’
It’s the work crowd, would be rude not to.
2. You arrive at the specified time, but no one else is there
You’re always punished for arriving on time, desperate not to miss out on any craic.
3. The next person in the pub will be someone you don’t know
“Hey… you! How is HR treating you these days?”
4. Your closest friend from work will inevitably pull out at the last minute
Thanks.
5. A few drinks in, the conversation will swing back to work matters
Just enough to kill off any craic momentum.
6. The group splits into two distinct crowds – one serious craic and the other minus craic
You’re in the minus craic one, and have to keep up the pretence of conversation while trying to move to the other group.
7. There’s only one day of work left in the week, so you convince yourself you’d be mad *not* to stay out
A few drinks in, the optimist in you takes over.
8. It’s getting late, and the early stragglers have headed home leaving just a brave few
Marching relentlessly towards tomorrow’s hangover. There is a kinship that has developed. You’re in it together.
9. Somebody will inevitably end up getting the shift
*takes notes on who, when, why*
10. And after 1am all office etiquette has completely gone
Leading to questionable dance moves being thrown around, with a reckless disregard for the fact that you work with these people.
11. Somebody will go on an epic rant about a minor foible of some co-worker
“I’ll tell you this much, I’ve never liked the guy.”
12. Near the end of the night, you will meet somebody in the toilets and pretend like you know them so well
“We should do lunch some day next week! Let’s make it happen!”
*barely says hello to them in corridor one week later*
13. Somebody will suggest shots and you’ll be all for it
You only have yourself to blame.
14. The unbearable fear the next day when you see somebody who was there all night
They know too much.
