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The first night of the Rose of Tralee live from the Dome in Kerry has passed in a haze of sweaty escorts and cutlery for jewellery in Ireland’s very own Superbowl crossed with the Calor Kosangas Housewife of the Year.
We’ve been keeping up with all the big happenings from the night right here…
It’s almost time! Eastenders is over! Eileen’s been on to tell us what’s coming up on the news! The biscuits are on a fancy plate!
Is Dáithí trying to rival the Great British Bake Off for innuendo already?
The beard is back this year. We’d like to get in there early with the suggestion that Dáithí is getting more and more like Tommy Tiernan every year. No?
Sydney Rose is directing a lot of time to this bearded man in the audience. We believe his name is Tadhgh and we would like to congratulate him on his stunning beard. Special award for Tadhgh please.
Southern California is up next. She’s telling a story about a health scare she had a few years back, and reveals her mother:
… thought I had gas.
Ah yes, the mammy diagnosis to end all diagnoses. Gas.
The Southern California Rose is telling a story about her escort giving her some coupons. Except she’s pronouncing it “CUE PONS” and everyone is fierce confused.
Extended break for the news now, but if you can’t cope without Dáithí and the gals for half an hour, you can catch up on all the backstage goss over on the RTE Player live from the Red Room*.
(*Is it just us or does that conjure up slightly horrifying images of The Shining?)
The Red Room features these people talking about frocks and such:
OMG Molly Molloy Gambel and her new husband are in the Red Room!
You might remember Molly Molloy (yes, that’s her full first name) and Kyle from last year, when he proposed on stage in the Dome.
They’re back to relive the special (and mortifying) memories, and to talk about the documentary they’ve been taking part in for the past year. It will be on RTE in a couple of weeks. No, we’re not making this up.
The Toronto Rose has caused the two greatest lines in the history of the Rose of Tralee to be uttered:
I’m collecting Irish sweat.
and
It’s called ‘buttering the toast’.
The first was regarding her escort giving her a pair of dirty socks from the Cork team as a gift, while she also placed a woolly hat atop Dáithí’s head. She was dressing him up in a hockey outfit you see.
Louis Walsh’s new band Hometown are up next for a little musical interlude. They’re all lovely lads but this is a Rose competition. Not one of them is even wearing a bit of Newbridge cutlery.
Luxembourg Rose is up next, in a slinky dress (prompting one of our pals over at TheScore.ie desks to pipe up ‘is she wearing chainmail?’) and ROARING hellos to all her friends back in work.
Manchester Rose up next, and her party piece is some impressive tin whistle playing.
She has a lot to live up to though. Her uncle Mike McGoldrick is a flautist (he also plays uileann pipes, tin whistle and other instruments) who plays with the likes of Bob Dylan and Mark Knopfler.
The North Carolina Rose has slagged Jesus (“the bigger the hair, the closer to Jesus), slagged her escort, and slagged Dáithí and now she’s leading the crown in a singalong of Rock Me Mama.
Dáithí’s done the ice bucket challenge! Live on stage to round out the first night of the Rose of Tralee. He’s nominated three former presenters: Ryan Tubridy, Ray D’Arcy and Marty Whelan. Your move lads.
Join us back here for more liveblogging and LOLs tomorrow night, when the winning Rose will be crowned with a tiara of knives and forks, and the escorts will finally fall down dead from all the Jagerbombs.
We’ll leave you with this. #JusticeForTheSydneyDog #NeverForget
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