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Dublin: 13 °C Friday 19 July, 2019
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WELL, IT’ WAS QUARTER finals time for The Voice of Ireland tonight, and let us tell you, we were BESIDE OURSELVES.

It was down to the final ten and this week will saw Bressie, Kian, Sharon and Jamelia’s teams battle it out – via the nigh-on incomprehensible scoring system – for a place in the next round.

Four acts were booted off tonight, Bressie told Kian not to be an arse, and Jamelia sang not one, but two songs. We still don’t know who that baby sitting in The Voice of Ireland chair is though.

Anyone?

Here’s how it all went down…

There’s Jean with the weather on RTÉ One, which can only mean one thing… it’s time for The Voice.

She’s predicting rain, gales, the usual. Jean knows how to cut to the very core of us.

This week we’re going to have a Bruno Mars tune, a Rihanna tune, and Jamelia performing some of her own stuff.

There’s also a woman who’s nine months pregnant performing.

A tiny part of us hopes Bressie gets to deliver the baby and hold it up to the audience like Simba. Only a tiny bit though.

Hold on, who’s your wan performing now?

It was Stooshe performing their new single Slip, apparently. We are so not down with the kids.

It’s time for the coaches. It always tickles us to see the size difference between Sharon Corr and Bressie. He is literally twice the size of her.

You, the commenters, were none too impressed with last week’s offerings, offering words of support like:

Should have been called “The Cringe of Ireland”.

While Martin pondered:

Why does the journal feel the need to have a live stream ?? Surely the 200 viewers are watching it live and not via the journal feed.

Martin, let’s address those points:

  • It’s not a live stream, it’s a liveblog. You can’t actually watch The Voice here on TheJournal.ie, but you can watch along with us and join in with what you think of it. Or not. You’ve told us that you think it’s “shite”. Fair enough.
  • Where else are you going to get anyone calling the contestants out for having “notions” (like Andrew last week with the scarf hanging out of his pocket) and scoffing at Kian’s guitar playing skillz?
  • It’s currently the second most watched TV show on RTÉ. Probably more than 200 people then.

Kian’s team are up first and it’s Ray with a Mumford and Sons track. He had a lot to live up to after his Massive Attack triumph a couple of weeks back.

He’s scored a 22. Not his best.

Psst this is every Mumford and Sons song ever:

Kelly, who’s just over a week away from her due date, up next with an Emile Sandé number. Eights all round from the judges. Solid.

Shane just performed this old chestnut, originally from The Calling:

Whatever happened to The Calling? Wikipedia tells us that they went on an “indefinite hiatus” in 2005. Well, that’s that then.

Oh, wait. In February of this year the lead singer was hit with a sexual harassment lawsuit.

Kian and Jamelia have just had a row about postcodes.

Postcodes.

Baffling.

Ray and Shane have said they’re going to step up if Kelly goes into labour. They have the hospital scrubs on and everything.

Would you trust these men with your lady garden?

Aoife just belted out a stirring rendition of The Rolling Stones’ Paint It Black.

She says that people in her home town of Limerick have been eyeing her up in Tesco and the post officem saying “is it herself?”.

The glamour!

John is next for Sharon’s team. He’s the little lad with the glasses, and we just want to pick him up and put him in our pockets, the dote.

He’s singing Bruno Mars, and big ask, if you ask us.

Oh this is lovely. The lyrics include the line:

I hope he buys you flowers…

Oh that’s lovely. Pass the tissues.

If you’re watching The Voice this evening, you’re not alone.

There’s Hollywood royalty watching too. None other than Roscommon’s own Chris O’Dowd.

He’s a Jonny fan (Their dads know each other apparently. Ah Ireland, don’t ever change).

Boylesports have been telling us for a few weeks now that Keith Hanley is favourite to win.

He’s up next with ‘Get Here’.

Is it just us, or is he ever so slightly off key. We’re wincing a bit here.

Bressie just called Keith a “male Toni Braxton” and gave him an eight. Kian gave him an eight and Sharon gave him a seven.

Were we listening to a different performance?

Commercial break time, thank gawd. We’re not able for all the tension.

If Bressie is looking a bit shook this evening, it’s because he’s just getting over this evening’s RTÉ 6pm ritual…

Babe Number One Shannon was up first.

She says that because there’s no phone coverage in the pubs of her home town of Castletownroche in Cork everyone has to peg it out onto the streets to vote for her every week.

Katy Anna has divided the judges with her Sinéad O’Connor rendition.

Kian says he’s not happy with the song choices, while Bressie says “SHE’S NOT MILEY CYRUS, STOP TALKING THROUGH YOUR ARSE KIAN”.

Handbags. Total handbags.

Emma, friend if DailyEdge.ie is watching along this week.

Her input so far has consisted mostly of:

What are you talking about Andrea?

… and we had to intervene and tell her she had the wrong Corr sister.

She’s also said…

Cringe!

…. several times. And is generally baffled. Can anyone sympathise with her?

The Voice has pointed out something we can’t quite believe we haven’t noticed before.

Shannon is THE HEAD off Janine from Ghostbusters:

Jamelia is this week’s special performer… if she doesn’t do Superstar we are going on strike.

SHE’S DOING IT. SHE’S SINGING SUPERSTAR.

Between us knowing the words (even Emma is singing along), Jamelia’s dirty pillows all up in our face, and the sexy dancers, we’re made up!

The coaches have just been made read out mean tweets about themselves.

Someone called Sharon a “sad old lady”.

Jim Corr is going to GET YOU for saying that about his sister. Sleep with one eye open.

Anna in the comments has said what everyone else was thinking:

Bressie’s suit tonight is the best of the season. Love an auld waistcoat. Call me.

What are the chances of Bressie taking his top off at some point? Asking for a friend.

Hang on a second, what’s happening now? Sharon and her two remaining team members have appeared on stage and started singing.

All of Jamelia’s good work on Emma has been undone:

This is like some kind of hell.

Harsh, we feel, but objective nonetheless.

Ok, it’s results time.

Making it through to the semi final are Katy Anna, Jon, Shane, Shannon, Kelly (and her unborn child) and Keith.

What about Ray and his beard, and Wayne and his hat? So many feelings.

So there you have it folks. That’s the final six.

Hippocrateeth has the last word:

It’s obvious everyone just wants to see Kelly give birth on stage.

Feeling bereft? Have a bit of Sunday fear? Why not check out our Sunday telly retrospective? There, there.

About the author:

Emer McLysaght

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