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14 of Tommy Tiernan's best Late Late Show zingers

He managed to say fu*k at least 1,000,000 times per minute.

COMEDIAN TOMMY TIERNAN appeared on the Late Late show last night and seemed determined to annoy as many people in Ireland as possible.

Game on!

On Carlow

1. I’ve played Carlow. People don’t even know where Carlow is. People don’t know if Carlow is a place or a space between places.


On Irish women

2. Galway. There’s something bony about Galway women, even the big ones have bony natures, it’s like they never got over the famine.

3. Connemara. A Connemara girl would ride you outta this world into parts of your head you’ve no compass for. You’d be riding away thinking you’re having the craic and you see that your feet had turned into hooves.

4. Meath. There’s something royal and agricultural about a Meath woman, you could take shelter there lads.

5. Cavan. A Cavan woman is half crow.

6. Limerick. They’ve no upper lip, they’re like a dog with no manners, they’d snap the ankles off you.

7. Kerry. Kerry women always have an eye on the dollar.

8. Tipperary. There’s a few tall ones but in the main they’re short, powerfully built and very fast over flat surfaces.

9. Offaly. Men with vaginas.


10. Dublin. The most gorgeous creatures in the world, a Dublin woman would put the sausages standing up in the pan.

11. Mayo. Mayo women have awful big foreheads, I swear to f**k. Next time you’re talking to a Mayo woman make a mental note of the distance between her eye brows and her hairline. The whale heads of Mayo.

This one may be solid.

On emigrants

12. Canada. People who go to Canada are brainy. Graduates. Astrochemical architects, Biophysical dentists.

13. England. Depressed fu*kers go to England, they want somewhere as miserable as here, just a bit more organised.

14. Australia. Thick f**kers go to Australia. Bet you any money they’re great craic but thick as f**k. Group of lads heading off with one leaving cert between them. People going down there, to them Australia is one long bank holiday weekend.

So, insulted, or amused?

We’ll call it even.

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