LOOK, WE ALL know that cats have a certain reputation.
And even if you’re a die-hard cat lover, you accept that the criticism levelled at them is often justified. And hell, it’s not like they give a feck who’s talking about them anyway.
Unlike dogs who wear their hearts on their sleeves, cats make you work for their affection, and this definitely isn’t something everyone can get behind.
You’re fine with it, however, because it makes it all the more meaningful when you do finally win them over.
Christ, the sense of accomplishment when a cat that tore the hand off you last week only gave you the side-eye this week.
Who knows; next week it might actually let you sit on the couch you paid for. The possibilities are endless!
If this sounds familiar, you will likely also recognise the following as the ups, downs and minor revelations associated with having a cat live with you – a cat who just so happens to think you live with them.
1. They will talk to you when they want to talk to you, not a moment before.
Unlike dogs who will greet you at the door every single time, cats tend to keep you on your toes, and you’ll never know the day nor the hour that they’ll decide to love you or loathe you.
Some day you will get love-bombed and other days they’ll hold your emotions to ransom.
2. The insides of their ears are a wonder to behold
Now look, it’s not like we spend hours gazing into their aural orifices, but given their ignorance of personal space (see point 3) we generally find ourselves up close and personal with their faces.
And the inside of those ears are a sight to behold, trust us.
3. They have no concept of personal space, and they love showing you their rear-end.
When a cat has decided it’s going to like you for an hour or so, it will really devote itself to the task.
From nuzzling their face against yours to showcasing a part of their body none of us want to see, cats are all in.
4.They are charmingly self-conscious about their… business.
Despite having no shame about their arse, they are surprisingly coy when it comes to going to the toilet.
If they ever have an accident indoors, they’ll do their level best to cover it up… even if that means dragging a much-loved hoodie or expensive book over the offending mess.
Heartbreaking, but you have to respect their efforts.
5. Not all cats actually like milk that much.
New cat-owners learn that pretty quickly, and oddly, it feels like a major disappointment.
Like, they’ll drink it and all, but they’re not the dairy-fiends you were led to believe they were.
We mean, how many other myths about the animal world are we continuing to perpetuate?
6.Their desire to knead you by way of affection can be pretty painful.
Cats, understandably, aren’t as clued up on the human anatomy as we are which means they don’t understand how walking across a pair of boobs or digging their paw into someone’s crotch could be painful AF.
Or do they?
They think they’re kneading you, you suspect they’re keeping you in check.
7.They will lick you after they scatch the arm off you… by way of apology.
Despite what the haters will have you think, cats are incredibly empathetic and generally sense when their owner is a little down, and could do with some affection from an animal they house, feed and dote on.
And when they finally realise that they’re the ones who have caused you the pain, they’ll be pretty quick to try and rectify the situation with a frantic lick of their agonising sandpaper tongue.
8. Their ability to cause a scene while gagging and heaving after getting a hairball caught in their throat is second to none.
Nothing will stop a cat-owner in their tracks quicker than the sound of their pet gagging and hacking behind the couch.
And the most stressful part? You never know if you’re about to witness a case of projectile vomiting or realise your cat had the whole situation under control and merely needed a few moments alone to dislodge a hairball without emptying the contents of their stomach… on a hoody they dragged behind the couch.
9. Their hiss can make your blood run cold.
Look, you know that even the friendliest cat can be cantankerous, but they generally know where to draw a line.
And that’s why the moment they actually unleash the rarely-heard hiss is so excruciating.
Not because you’re scared, but because you fear that the haters who insist that cats are the spawn of Satan may, in fact, be right.
10. You fear you will never love anything as much as you love this contrary beautiful creature.
Whether it’s when they’re winding themselves around your legs or purring on your lap, you simply want to weep.
We know you do, and honestly, that’s OK.
