THERE’S NORMAL, EVERYDAY MASS, and then there’s Christmas Mass.
Christmas Mass is when church-dodgers come out of the woodwork, the Style is out in force, and everyone is full of the joys of the season. Plus you get all the best bits from the Bible and the coolest hymns.
Here are 11 things that will definitely happen to you and yours at Christmas Mass this year.
Taking some straw from the crib for your purse/wallet
It’s supposed bring you good luck in the year ahead, do you see?
Getting too into the hymns
“O Holy Night” is good for bringing on the waterworks, depending on the skill of the soloist. You could almost rock out to “Adeste Fideles”. Almost.
This is probably the only chance many will get to parade about in fancy Christmas outfits outside the family home, so you can expect to see some serious strutting on the way up to Communion. Discussion of The Style at Mass will sustain you throughout Christmas dinner.
When someone else’s Style falls a little short. “And I bet she spent a FORTUNE on that now, and doesn’t it look awful.”
Hearing the whole congregation’s tummy rumble as one
Dinner time is so far away, and we are so very hungry.
Church-dodgers making their annual Mass trip
They always stick out like a sore thumb, shuffling in with their parents and mumbling along with the prayers.
Children bringing their toys
And making an unholy racket with them under the pews.
Children crying because they weren’t allowed bring their toys
Cue dagger looks at the parents in question, because aren’t they only causing a SCENE now?
Hanging around afterwards to chat to people
Especially rage-inducing for the children forbidden to bring their toys to Mass.
Rushing off afterwards to start the dinner
If you don’t put the turkey in now it’ll never be done on time. And it has to be perfect.
“Let us go now in peace to love and serve the Lord.”
Congregation, in unison: “Thanks be to God.”
In their heads: “FOOD.”