AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR has just been released and people are losing their minds over it.
Here’s a list of everyone that died in Avengers: Infinity War
— Ciara King (@iamCiaraKing) May 1, 2018
1. Batman
2. Superman (genuinely pissed about that)
3. The Green Goblin
4. Mindy ( from Mork & Mindy)
5. Alf
6. Harry from Harry & The Henderson’s
7. Dan from Roseanne
8. The Fonz
9. Catwoman
10. James Bond
I confess that despite being a big Marvel fan, I have yet to see the new Avengers movie. Instead I decided to re imagine the Avengers as if they were Irish superheroes. Here’s what I came up with.
1. The Unit
Instead of the Hulk I present the Unit who loves rugby a bit too much and insists on drinking 4 to 5 litres of whey protein every day. He only eats chicken fillets and has protein milk with every meal. Every time he transforms, his slightly too tight Leinster jersey is ripped to shreds.
Absolute unit pic.twitter.com/2LKoAKCJJf
— Andy (@ImACultHero) April 28, 2018
2. Scarleh Witch
Scarleh Witch has the power to recount every single embarrassing thing that you have ever done and tell it back to you in excruciating detail. Remember that time you shifted Sean in the Gaeltacht and accidentally bit him? You repressed that traumatic memory but Scarleh Witch will remind you of every little detail.
'Exclusive to Mooch: Rosanna Purcell's gluten-free oat pancakes' top 10 most scarleh sentences ive ever read
— Peter (@POBHerty) March 24, 2015
3. Hawkeye
The name is the same but Irish Hawkeye is very different. Basically the Croke Park system has become sentiment and is going around telling people if what they say is over the line or not. It’s especially effective in nightclubs when drunk lads are trying to chat up people.
Some absolute creature chatting me up last night "where u from?" "glasnevin" "ah like the graveyard?"
— jess (@JesseIsAlri) July 26, 2015
4. Captain County
A fine replacement for Captain America, Captain County is your favourite GAA-obsessed lad who will tell anyone who listens how he once got trials for county. It doesn’t matter that these were under 12′s trials for Carlow. He made county. His super power? He’ll make you drink pints of milk until he gets whatever information he needs from you.
I can't stop drinking glasses of milk, I think I must have been bitten by a GAA player or something.
— register to vote before may 8th (@0edipussy) May 1, 2018
5. Iron Man
The Irish Iron Man studied Buisness and Law in UCD before moving onto the KPMG grad programme. He insists on talking to you about stocks and portfolios every time he gets near you. He has a vast collection of chinos and boat shoes. He’s probably called Oisin or Orin or Oscar.
why is every second lad that goes to UCD called oisin
— orla (@oraligh) January 10, 2017
6. Black Wagon
Instead of Black Widow, Black Wagon will be as annoying as possible about everything ever. She will moan consistently about being hungry but not knowing what to eat as well as being in a bad mood for discernible reason. She will make your life a living hell.
" you wouldn't pass custard .. " pft you wagon !! 😒😠😤
— lar♥ (@_Laurendonegan) February 23, 2015
7. Daddy Long Legs Man
We have no venomous spiders in Ireland but I think we can agree that Daddy Long Legs are insanely creepy. Hence a man running around dressed up as a daddy long legs should be an effective weapon against any aliens that attempt to invade the Earth.
No why are daddy long legs taking over.
— Caitriona Kelly (@Cats_Kelly) September 22, 2014
8. Thar
It’s Thor but he’s been transformed into an Irish verb or his name is being pronounced in a Cork accent. Either way he’s about to talk the arse off you and there’s not a single thing you can do about it.
Thor is a precious bean I love him so much
— semi stable 100 year old man (@kittygrimm) April 18, 2018
9. You’re A Star-Lord
He once appeared on ‘You’re A Star’ but got knocked out at the audition stage. He doesn’t think very highly of Louis Walsh but is determined to make it to Eurovision one way or another. He cannot sing and so is best placed to torture people with his terrible version of ‘We’ve Got the World’.
We've got the world tonight, lets hold on together OPEN YOUR HEART
— ➰ (@emmaodwyer_) May 5, 2013
