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Dublin: 8 °C Thursday 18 October, 2018
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IT’S ALL OVER for another year, and we’re so confused about our Santa lists now. Is it too late to change, mam?

Drinking games were abandoned, wine-tears were shed, while the whole nation mourned Tara the sheep.

The 2016 Toy Show saw Ryan almost go blind, Rory McIlroy appear out of nowhere, and we found out that Dermot Bannon is known by humans under 30. Who’d have thought it?

Here’s how it all went down.

We can’t hold it in any longer. The live blog is revved up and ready to go, all we have to get through is the weather and DOZENS of ads. We’re minutes away from the big opener, so get in your jammies and grab your goodies, it’s gonna be a long night.

People all over Ireland are settling down for the TV event of the year, and some of their setups are FAB.

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All we have is a box of Meanies, because what else would you need besides a box of Meanies?

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So what do we know so far? The theme this year is Jungle Book, and there’ll be 320 kiddies performing and testing toys. None of them you. Still. Get over it already, you applied 20 years ago.

Ryan is a bear, we repeat, Ryan is a bear.

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He hasn’t got a note in his head God love him.

A massive snake also went over the audience, nice of you to show up!

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What do we think of Ryan’s Christmas shirt? Controversial.

We’d give it a solid 8/10.

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THIS JUST IN: First look at the nation’s jammiest jammers of 2016.

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The mini reindeer antlers, the tiny Santa hats. The audacity.

Up next we have Sarah and Lexie from Ballyfermot (hup the ballyer) showing us the MUST HAVE TOY OF 2017.

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The little egg thing is a hatchimal, and parents will actually fight you to get one.

They’re not that into it at all.

You, after playing the Toy Show drinking game.

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Yeah, the monkey is still hurting us. Someone come walk us home after this, yeah?

It’s the first EVERYTHING IN THE AUDIENCE thing. It’s a voucher… for Woodies. Not tryna start anything but they all got tablets one year.

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Get the finger out.

Finally, the first ad break. I’ve only nearly cried twice.

How are you all getting on at home?

Brian is all set, with an outfit that takes him from the office to the party.

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Ryan is going around shooting the audience with a mega gun, which can only mean the camera has cut back off the commercial break too soon.

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But he’s doing it in style. Check out that jumper.

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Stunning, hun.

Ryan just tried on a sorting hat and got sorted into Hufflepuff. Has anything more perfect ever happened in the history of the world?

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This is little Alfie and he was just given a first edition copy of Harry Potter and the Philospher’s stone.

LOOKIT HIS LITTLE FACE.

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He reminds me of lil Domhnall. Miss you, Domhnall.

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Little Edie from Blessington has the BEST laugh.

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It is giving us life. What a little angel. She definitely ate a packet of Skittles backstage.

Ryan is also looking stunning in this pink wig.

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Stay tuned for the fashion round up after the show.

These kids are Billy Barry to the damn BONE.

Please get them into some kind of S Club Juniors set up and off the show before they completely lose the run of themselves.

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Ryan, continuing his assault on the audience, just fecked a loads of sweets at them.

Poor divils.

Dermot Bannon is 100% gonna come out and surprise this little girl.

IT’S EVELYN CUSACK ALL OVER AGAIN.

There he is. Dermot Bannon got wind of the fact that this young one liked architecture and legged it up from the canteen.

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Stellar chap. Your ma will be delighted.

While this lad is singing, what would you rather get? A first edition Harry Potter book worth thousands, or a small chat with Dermot Bannon and an A4 pad?

Is that a first? A standing ovation on the Late Late show for Aaron.

The audience now seem more interested in horsing into the mince pies on offer though.

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Fair.

Darragh from County Down is the first farmer of the night! DRINK!

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What do you get from cows?

Milk. Sccccccchteak!

Daddy took his pet lamb to the factory. Stop, I’m crying again.

Ok cannot deal with this kid.

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He just announced everyone in the audience is getting a toy farm. Can we all have one of you?

Mini Nathan Carter is absolutely belting out Wagon Wheel and not gonna lie, it is euphoric.

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Euphoria.

Someone turn on the lights and hit the National anthem.

Ryan is now frantically reading books about king babies. He’s going really, REALLY fast.

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This cannot be the book segment. I will cut a bitch.

OK, calm down, we all got a bit carried away there. We have some book reviewers.

Evan, Kate, Timmy, and Katherine are the lucky kids.

Ryan has forced them to wear stupid headgear, which is frankly just making a mockery of the whole thing.

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This means we’re getting close to the end. Start cleaning up your wrappers kids.

Little Evan loves Jamie Heaslip and thinks he’s handsome.

Don’t we all, Evan. Don’t we all.

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Michael D Higgins wrote a letter to Katherine congratulating her on being on the Toy Show, after we just heard a rap about Tipp.

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We have reached peak Irish.

They’re all getting surprises!

Timmy got his face on a gaa card, and Evan got to meet his hero!

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What would you like to tell Jamie Heaslip?

I don’t know.

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Nailed it, Evs.

It’s the little people section! Let them loose! Run little people, run wild!

A Coldplay tune! Sure you needn’ta bought tickets to Croke Park.

The Jedi have come to take us.

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Take us to the bike segment, please. We’re running out of Meanies.

Think we should wrap up this blog and head over to Bosco’s Twitter feed, tbh.

Unreal insights and commentary coming out of the little yoke.

What. The. Hell. Is. Happening.

For anyone not watching, Ryan has donned a yellow jacket and is dancing to Don’t Stop Me Now.

Feck it, here’s a visual. Sorry in advance.

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Ryan is trying out a Virtual Reality headset.

He’s LASHING through it all because half of Ireland’s youths are passed out in a bag of sugar right now.

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BIKES, BIKES, GIVE US THE BIKES.

Rory McIlroy just surprised this tiny fan with tickets to the Irish open next year!

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OK, we’ll accept Rory as a decent celeb. He’s pretty famous, right? And he definitely doesn’t frequent the RTE canteen.

THE BIKE SEGMENT!

Time for Tubs to completely lose the run of himself.

Yep, he’s on the back of a kid’s tiny trike.

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We want this horse thing, to be honest. Would this fit into our secret santa budget? HINT HINT.

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Millie Rose, we love you!

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She just laughed as Ryan fell on his arse and point blank refused to join him on the space hoppers, she is basically our spirit animal.

More music. Replenish the Roses. Pop open the second layer of biccies. Use Baileys as a mixer. You’ve got this far.

This little lad. It’s all about this little lad.

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The hair. The expression.

We want him to be our celebrity surprise next year.

Here’s Evan, reminding us of the days we spent our days searching for missing K-Nex pieces and stepping on rogue Lego bits.

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The pain. Good God, the pain.

This kid made the Late Late Show studio out of Lego!

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What did you do today? Go to work, like a complete moron?

The audience just got a Lego police station to take home, and we’re bleedin’ seething with jealousy.

Shouts of “Lego is expensive!” have been heard echoing around the office.

Is anyone still alive out there?

I’m hallucinating. I thought we just saw an ad about a new show starring Des Bishop. Bizarre.

Ryan has been temporarily blinded by the science girls. Or else he is thinking of Tara the sheep again. (RIP)

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U ok hun?

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the face of a man who is well and truly done.

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We’re nearly finito Ryan, the end is in sight.

When you’re three sheets to the wind from prinks and get past the doormen at Coppers.

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Some finale, eh.

Well, that’s it for another year. We laughed, we cried, we cried some more, we clapped out of sync, and we all collectively agreed the Toy Show audience do not deserve this blessing.

Thanks for joining me on the blog, I’m off to have nightmares about the psychopathic monkey.

Get yourselves up those stairs to bed, it’s officially Christmas :)

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