1. Watching Love Actually for the 174th time
“But you’ve seen it already. I watched it twice with you last year.”
“But… sure, it’s Christmas.”
2. Polishing off an entire sleeve of After Eights in one sitting
3. Turning the heating on full blast
Would your mother have a heart attack if she knew how wasteful you were being with the heating/immersion? Possibly. But what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
4. Treating yourself to a new pair of jammies in Penneys
It wouldn’t be Christmas without a new pair of fluffy pyjamas, would it?
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5. Polishing off the box of Tayto well before Christmas week has kicked off
“They’re there to be eaten,” you tell yourself as you horse into your second packet on December 4th.
6. Buying ludicrous food like cheeseboards and biscuits with names like “Viennese Buttery Chocolatey Whirls”
Christmas: when you no longer feel guilt for spending more than €2 on a packet of biscuits. You’re good to yourself, as your mother would say.
7. Eliminating the word ‘budget’ from your vocabulary entirely
Budget? What budget? IT’S OVERDRAFT SEASON, BABY. THIS ROUND’S ON ME.
*weeps silently when you look at your account on January 2nd*
8. Throwing caution to the wind and going out for a big one on a school night
You, Tuesday night: “I have to meet Mick for a pint. Sure, isn’t he back from London?”
You, at 2.30am: “Garlic cheese chip, please”
9. Buying an unholy amount of drink so you can make hot whiskeys and mulled wine. Seasonal drinks, you know yourself
You don’t even like mulled wine. In fact, you’re fairly certain you have last year’s sachets in a cupboard somewhere. But once December rolls around, you’re in the supermarket tossing one of these in the trolley along with cheap bottles of red.
10. Buying yourself loads of sparkly clothes and telling yourself that you’ll wear them to all your ‘parties’
You’d swear you were going to parties every night the way you’re carrying on. Like Imelda Marcos or something.
11. Buying the RTÉ Guide
Sure, you technically don’t need the RTE Guide. Sure, doesn’t your telly have a guide?
But it wouldn’t be Christmas without it.
12. Watching films for children… despite the fact that you have no children and don’t even know any
Sure, it’s Christmas.
13. And finally, shirking any and all adult responsibilities
You should be in having a sensible night. You should probably be doing something with a ham. Or wrapping Christmas presents.
BUT SURE, IT’S CHRISTMAS.
*pops open prosecco*
