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Dublin: 4 °C Thursday 18 January, 2018
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10 terribly grim headlines from the Christmas issues of women's mags

Christmas never goes off peacefully in the land of Take A Break.

WOMEN’S WEEKLY magazines like Take A Break, Pick Me Up etc are amazing all year round, but there’s something special about the extra-grim stories they pull out around Christmas time.

Here are a selection of our favourites from the current crop of ‘festive’ issues.

1.

DQ_qh3tW4AAqK6U Source: Twitter/@NotRollergirl

You just started singing You Give Love A Bad Name, didn’t you? They had to know what they were doing here.

2.

oh baubles! Source: Take A Break

I like to imagine that’s exactly what happened. She was carving the turkey, said “Oh baubles!” and the baby just fell out on to the linoleum.

3.

take that santa Source: That's Life!

Er… Sir, madam, I regret to inform you that your child is a little Debbie Jellinsky in the making.

4.

dead mother Source: Love It!

Like, it’s rude to show up unannounced on Christmas Day but it’s also rude to abandon your parental responsibilities by faking your death for decades. So.

5.

kelly Source: Take A Break

Imagine being Kelly and getting called out on the cover of bloody Take A Break. You’d have to move to Iceland.

6.

mistletoe and swine Source: That's Life!

Shut down the whole tabloid press because you will never get a better headline than ‘Mistletoe and swine’. NEVER.

7.

o christmas Source: Real People

…Though ‘O Christmas Treesome’ is up there.

8.

festive Source: Closer

Genuinely interested in how a ‘festive dominatrix’ is different to your everyday, run-of-the-mill dominatrix. I may buy Closer this week.

9.

kidney Source: Love It!

The only logical explanation for this headline (and also the most likely one) is that he conned her out of it in some way. Never trust a women’s weekly headline, as I found out with…

10.

turkey butty Source: Real People

I HAD to this story and sadly when I did, I discovered that the house being broken had nothing to do with a turkey butty and everything to do with bad plastering. I am very disappointed.

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