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Dublin: 13 °C Thursday 16 August, 2018
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The Daily Edge's guide to surviving the World Cup

Everything you need to know is right here.

THE WORLD CUP will kick off on June 14th which means there’s going to be fierce competition between yourself and your housemates as to what to watch.

Do we want Love Island or Portugal vs Spain? (There’s definitely a joke about these two events being the only two genders in there somewhere).  The answer of course is get a second TV or use your laptop. Or both, both is a good option.

Also Robbie Williams is singing at the opening ceremony on Thursday so that might be worth watching even though Saudi Arabia vs Russia doesn’t exactly get the heart pumping with excitement.

Anyway we’ve a handy guide to get you through the World Cup if you’re not the world’s biggest fan of it. And before anyone asks, I love football and will be watching as much of the World Cup as physically possible so I have a vague idea of what I’m talking about.

1. Didn’t we just have a World Cup?

No. We had the Euros in 2016 but we haven’t had a World Cup since Brazil in 2014. It’s a big deal because it’s the last time some big players can win it such as Leo Messi, Christiano Ronaldo or any member of the English team really.

2. Where is it on?

It’s on in Russia this time around which means a time difference of about 2 hours in Moscow. There’ll be a lot of matches on at the start with around 3 or 4 matches a day with the group stages lasting until June 28th. Most match times are around 1pm 4pm and 7pm Irish time so provided no extra time, it shouldn’t interfere too much with other TV plans *cough Love Island cough*.

3. Are Ireland in it?

Sadly no. We got our arses handed to us in the playoffs by Denmark who beat us 5-1. This means there will be no daily videos of the Irish fans picking up rubbish, singing at nuns  or chanting ‘Ole, ole, ole’ for the millionth time at someone. We need at least a 4 year break from that.

Source: Orton Images/YouTube

4. Who should I follow instead of Ireland?

There are a number of good underdogs this time around. Everyone’s favourite Brit-slayers Iceland are in a tough group with Argentina, Croatia and Nigeria so if they make it out of that group we’ll be rooting for them. Plus you know you want to hear more of this kind of commentary. Australia are always worth rooting for as well.

Source: BigShowTugaCanal2/YouTube

5. Why would I follow Australia?

Well there’s a wonderful Facebook page called ‘Positive Socceroo Facts’ (The Socceroos being the nickname for the team) that is always worth following for the sheer optimism such as this:

Source: Positive Socceroos Facts

or this:

Source: Positive Socceroos Facts

or this:

What I’m saying is that it’s worth following this page throughout the World Cup if you’re feeling a bit down.

6. We’re doing an office sweepstakes, what do I do?

DON’T PANIC. The teams you want would be France, Germany, Brazil or Argentina (depending). Other good shouts would be Belgium or Spain. If you get someone like Saudi Arabia or England you can kiss your chances goodbye. If you get someone like Uruguay you can feel slightly positive as they get through the last 16 and then inevitably get knocked out by Brazil.

7. When will it all be over?

The final is on July 15th so the whole thing only lasts for a month. We only do this once every 4 years so let us have this. Please.

8. I hate football, how can I avoid this?

Muting hashtags on Twitter would be a good start or mute your friends who are really into football (this happens to me a lot). Unfortunately you cannot do this in real life so a polite request for a moratorium might be worth a go. Cutting all your football mad friends out of your life for a month is also totally acceptable.

Lastly if someone is enjoying the World Cup or Love Island or whatever, don’t be that person to say ‘That’s stupid’. We know it is but it’s brings us happiness in this hellscape of a world.

The only thing it’s acceptable to say this about is Mrs. Brown’s Boys.

Enjoy the World Cup!

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About the author:

Rachel O'Neill

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