THE IRISH COUNTRYSIDE is great and everything but mother of God some things really would get on your nerves at times!
Yea, yea there’s all the ‘lovely scenery’ and ‘friendly neighbours’ but there’s a tonne of other stuff that’s really annoying about the country…
1. Having to get up ridiculously early
Doesn’t matter if you’ve nothing to do, everyone gets up at the crack of dawn or else your parents kick you out of the bed.
2. Living a million miles away from your friends
‘Mammy mammy can I have a lift?’
3. Stepping in cow dung
That dreaded moment – you’re running through the field, you feel the soft landing and then there are those depressing seconds as you look down to confirm the inevitable.
4. Having to wait days on your Mammy to do the shopping
‘There’s no milk … There are no sweets left … I want pizza!’
‘Well you’ll have to wait until I go to the town on Thursday.’
5. Getting splashed by a tyre when covering the silage pit
You bust your gut wheeling a tyre up the whole pit and then some big bully of a man flings one that lands beside you and drenches you in tyre water. Story of my life!
6. Being terrified by the noises at night
‘What was that? And that? And that!?’
7. Crashing into a fellow lunatic on a pedal tractor
Like all seven-year-olds I had a rather big fleet of machinery.
8. Falling into a pile of nettles
The arch enemy of all country children. Many a football is lost in this ocean of pain.
9. Roads being closed for the rally
It’s hard enough to go places without them closing the roads too!
10. Cows breaking out
MAYDAY MAYDAY!
11. Broadband is just a pipe dream
What’s a YouTube?
12. Pretending to be interested in ‘good growth’ when talking to farmers
Ugh, having to make small talk with farmers is the worst! Weather this, good growth that…
13. Getting a shock from the electric fence
Annoying but also brilliant when you trick your city-slicker friends into touching it.
14. Being made make tea for random strangers that are ‘doing a bit of work for you father’
Between digger men, silage men, the postman, the milkman, the AI man, the builder, the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker…
15. Getting tripped up by the dog
The only man, woman, or beast more excited about running down a hill than a child is a dog – destined to end in mayhem.
16. Being stuck behind tractors when you’re in a rush
Get out of the way!
17. When you finally move away you realise you know nothing about the world
‘Baby octopus!? You’re telling me there are people in Ireland who eat baby octopus!?’
