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Dublin: 17 °C Sunday 31 May, 2020

Column: On a 'bold' priest and his seditious message of love

This week, the (Not) Primate of All Ireland tries to avoid being influenced by the arrival of a ‘maverick’ priest who wants him to be nice to gay people and for clerics to be able to marry.

Column: Cardinal Rules - on hairdryers, Big Ben Dunne and the Titanic 'industry'

This week, the (not) primate of All Ireland recalls the terrible events after Ardfillan won the county final: ““The whole team went into the dressing room, roaring and shouting like apes. Then they put on all the hair dryers…”

Column: Cardinal Rules - The Easter epic

What happens when two rival live Passion Plays collide? This and the other Easter Weekend happenings from the (not) Primate of All Ireland.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On the household charge and the stranger at the door

This week, the (Not) Primate of All Ireland and his pals worry about levies, escaped convicts… and spiked lemonade.

Column: Cardinal Rules - Our day with Mahon

This week, the not Primate of All Ireland recounts the anguish of the Mahon report – especially the bit where he tried to download it.

Column: Cardinal Rules - The real Book of Patrick

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland, shares some previously unpublished excerpts from a life of St Patrick… by his manservant Bran.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On gay rights

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland worries about the support of the Tories and Fianna Fáil for gay marriage but finds a new champion in a Scottish colleague – and relief in Winning Streak.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On how Inkgate goes all the way to the top

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland investigates the full extent of Inkgate – and finds out about Richard Bruton’s addiction to novelty erasers…

From TheJournal.ie Column: Cardinal Rules - What NOT to do on your Lenten fast Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules - What NOT to do on your Lenten fast

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland tracks his colleague’s ‘progress’ with his sponsored fast – including an awkward incident with a chocolate Swiss roll…

Column: Cardinal Rules - On priests versus geeks

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland went to a Reclaim the Faith Conference. It was all going to be suitably pious – until the hotel was double-booked with a sci-fi convention…

Column: Cardinal Rules - On closing the Vatican embassy

The (not) Primate of All Ireland reflects on a difficult few days in which the Bishops battled over the right type of biscuit (and the closure of the Vatican embassy too).

Column: Cardinal Rules – On cross-cultural exchange

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland and his colleagues ruminate on multicultural Ireland and embrace the “great big melting pot our little island has become”.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On playing the blame game at Davos

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland brings us all the gossip from behind the scenes at the World Economic Forum where he was on the “non-tokenistic spiritual sub-committee”.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On the Undercover Bishop Fun

Column: Cardinal Rules - On the Undercover Bishop

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland is disappointed that RTÉ’s new show does not have “a vigilante bishop roaming the streets of LA dispensing ‘God’s justice’.”

Column: Cardinal Rules - On 'pop' culture 2012 Fun

Column: Cardinal Rules - On 'pop' culture 2012

The (not) Primate of All Ireland readies himself for a year of cultural gems like Fr Gerry O’Shea’s one-man avant-garde production, ‘I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About, Sure Everything Is Grand’.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On January boot camp for the boys Fun

Column: Cardinal Rules - On January boot camp for the boys

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland observes a morale-building exercise, complete with assault course and Dr James Reilly’s speech-giving techniques.

Column: Cardinal Rules remembers 2011 Fun

Column: Cardinal Rules remembers 2011

The Pope’s stunt double, liveblogging the British royal wedding, a politican and an inflatable penis – good times, my flock, good times.

Column: Cardinal Rules - The Three Wise(ish) Men

This Christmas Eve, the (not) Primate of All Ireland brings his specially-extended version of the tale of The Three Wise Men… and an aubergine.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On the invasion of science Fun

Column: Cardinal Rules - On the invasion of science

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland reflects on a difficult few days in which the clerics lost a Brother and almost gained a God particle.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On giving Brian Hayes a helping hand

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland reflects on the needy and vulnerable of Ireland, including members of Government who now have to subsist on only several thousand euro a week…

From TheJournal.ie Column: Cardinal Rules - on protecting yourself from financial catastrophe Opinion

Column: Cardinal Rules - on protecting yourself from financial catastrophe

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland discusses real money, imaginary money and potential money – with the aid of a chicken, a puppy and a goat.

Column: Cardinal Rules - on hiring housekeepers

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland gets with the guidelines and indulges in a touch of “positive discrimination” when hiring for the clerical household.

Column: Cardinal Rules - on Occupy Jim Sheridan's gaff

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland is caught up in #Occupy fever – and decides to #Occupy Jim Sheridan’s €7,000-a-month rented house.

Column: Cardinal Rules - on 'Endaism' (ignoring the worst-case scenario)

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland contemplates the usefulness of looking on the bright side. Incessantly.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On using the Sunday Independent as his bible

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland finds that a certain article about “the gays” could become an “ideological springboard” for him and his clerical pals.

Column: Cardinal Rules - On Bertie Ahern vs Steven Seagal

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland was torn between the Bertie interview and a Steven Seagal movie on TV – and learned that the two men are not as far apart as you would think…

Column: Cardinal Rules - Making sense of this crazy world

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland copes with the break-up of the wholesome group Boyslife – and the reunion of the Stone Roses.

Column: Cardinal Rules – How to wave goodbye to the IMF

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland rubbed shoulders with the likes of Bono, Enda Kenny, Eamon Gilmore and Gabriel Byrne to learn three very important things…

Column: Cardinal Rules - The Dana and Gay Mitchell wars

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has to intervene when his troops split over supporting Gay Mitchell or Dana in the Presidential race. “Fr Ryan blacks out some of Gay’s teeth on a poster…”

Column: Cardinal Rules – There’s a guy outside my Tesco swears he’s Jesus

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has a house guest – a bearded young man who wears sandals and speaks in Biblical tones. It couldn’t be… could it?

Column: Cardinal Rules – on Sinn Fein’s presidential campaign

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland is greeted by the Martin McGuinness supporters – but it all goes terribly wrong…

Column: Cardinal Rules – on the annual trip to Knock

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland brings the priests on their annual pilgrimage to the Mayo shrine. But is one of his clerical flock tempted by a (not ‘Our’) Lady?

From TheJournal.ie Column: Cardinal rules - A day in the life... Humour

Column: Cardinal rules - A day in the life...

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland talks us through his typical day – it’s not all smiling at old ladies and driving around in the mini, you know.

Column: Cardinal Rules – On keeping the FF dream alive…

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland blesses a new hotel for old pal and ex-Fianna Fáil TD Mattie O’Moore – and learns a little about humility and the value of the JobBridge scheme.

Column: Cardinal Rules – On tour with Il Papa

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland heads to Madrid to see his Holiness work the crowd and find his inner rock star.

Column: Cardinal Rules - A diocesan fiscal crisis

The (not) Primate of All Ireland documents his efforts to make ends meet – with a little help from David Hasselhoff…

From TheJournal.ie Column: Cardinal Rules - Gaybo for President? Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules - Gaybo for President?

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland writes that (not) Bishop Brady is upset to discover that the man who hosted the ‘Bishop and the nightie’ debate could be running for the Áras.

Column: Cardinal Rules – Croagh Patrick for purists

This week, the (not) Primate of All-Ireland details the trials of the recent Reek Sunday – where fun has started to ruin the penitential tradition beloved of (not) Bishop Brophy.

From TheJournal.ie Column: Cardinal Rules – On defending Morrissey Humour

Column: Cardinal Rules – On defending Morrissey

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland has to play peacekeeper in the terrible row over Morrissey: “an undisputed genius” or “a big mountain of stupid”?

Column: Cardinal Rules – What happens in Lourdes, stays in Lourdes…

This week, the (not) Primate of All Ireland embarks on the annual parish pilgrimage… but will everyone get home safely?

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