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july please...

An open letter to July: The worst month in the history of Irish summer

We’re breaking up.

Irish Summer final gather final gather

AS WE COME to the end of July 2015, it will be remembered as one of the worst months for weather in Irish summer history – which is some feat.

July, we need to talk about a few things:

You have made us get out the winter jackets already, you heathen

The ultimate summer insult. Not only did the rain make July the worst attempt at a summer month ever, the HOWLING wind was the true low point for anyone who had to brave it.

You have made us talk about the most boring of topics on a daily basis

Chatting about the weather is one of the staples of awkward small talk. You have brought the topic into the mainstream of conversation. Thanks.

Your dark evenings have made us think of deepest, darkest winter

What is actually wrong with you, July? Mundy didn’t write songs about windy, wet dark summer nights. It was silly and the whole country is glad to see the back of you.

Your ridiculous weather has caused us to question your loyalty to summer

And caused us to come up with different names for you

Some of them not repeatable in decent social media company.

You made us ask existential questions

You have upped our summer heating bill by about 120 percent

Happy now, July?

You’ve made us feel so sorry for tourists skulking about in rain jackets

We just want to go over and tell them that it’s not always this bad and things CAN be better.

So to conclude, July: it’s been nice knowing you and we have had some good times together down the years. But we think now it’s time to end our relationship

Our expectations of this relationship have changed, July. We wish it was like what it used to be – but now it feels like you take more than you give.

No amount of Mundy songs can save us. Goodbye, July.

More A US comedian has taken the piss out of our summer and we won’t stand for it>

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