MAGAZINE SEX TIPS leave a lot to be desired. But can you tell if it’s from a legit magazine, or a parody?
1. After sex, grab your still-moist panties from the floor and use them to tie your hair back. This will show him that you're fun, casual, and easy-going.
Real
Fake
2. Sprinkle some pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects.
Real
Fake
3. Penetrate slow. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. And it IS a race. Never forget that if you want to be a winner.
Real
Fake
4. It really sucks when a woman handles your manhood with care. Squeeze hard, suck hard, really grab on to it like you're milking a cow.
Real
Fake
6. Move his penis all around like an old-school Atari joystick-up, down, side to side, in a circle.
Real
Fake
7. Denying your partner satisfaction can be a real turn on for both of you. Blindfold your partner, tease them with light touches and then move to a new city.
Real
Fake
8. Gently stick his penis through a doughnut hole and then nibble around it, stopping to suck him once in a while. This sugary texture of your tongue will add an interesting new dimension.
Real
Fake
9. Don't feel bad if your partner needs to touch themselves and your best friend in order to get off.
Real
Fake
10. If you're with a man who finishes too quickly, whisper "99% of all pregnancies are caused by sex" to slow him down.
Real
Fake
11. Nibble your way up the side of his penis as if it were corn on the cob, taking the skin lightly between your lips or teeth and tugging gently.
Real
Fake
12. Make a bedroom Burrito. While you're rolling around in bed, wrap her up in the sheet so she can't do anything with her arms.
Real
Fake
You scored out of !
You know nothing
None? NONE? We'll say no more.
You scored out of !
Poor effort
We don't even want to know what you get up to at night.
You scored out of !
Poor effort
We don't even want to know what you get up to at night.
You scored out of !
Poor effort
We don't even want to know what you get up to at night.
You scored out of !
Poor effort
We don't even want to know what you get up to at night.
You scored out of !
Not the worst
Still, you've probably been to A and E over this a few times, yes?
You scored out of !
Not the worst
Still, you've probably been to A and E over this a few times, yes?
You scored out of !
Not the worst
Still, you've probably been to A and E over this a few times, yes?
You scored out of !
Not bad
A few caught you out, but you know there's a time and a place for biting.
You scored out of !
Not bad
A few caught you out, but you know there's a time and a place for biting.
You scored out of !
Not bad
A few caught you out, but you know there's a time and a place for biting.
You scored out of !
Wow, you know your stuff.
No nibbling for you.
You scored out of !
Wow, you know your stuff.
No nibbling for you.
Sources: 1. Cosmo’s print edition, Vol. 238, issue 1, page 84 via Cracked, 2. Cosmo, 3. Sex Criminals, 5. Cosmo, 6. Cosmo’s print edition, Vol. 237, Issue 3, page 144 via Cracked, 7. Sex Criminals, 8. Cosmo, 9. Sex Criminals, 10. Sex Criminals, 11. Redbook, 12. Men’s Health
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