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9 of the most agonising places to desperately need the loo

The beach. A gig. On a bus. IT’S ALL SO PAINFUL.

THE FACT THAT humans need to perform toilet functions to survive is inconvenient to say the least.

A need for the toilet constantly interrupts our daily lives and it is a need that con not be ignored.

If you do ignore it, you end up in a desperate scenario where every thought and fibre of your being is consumed by toilet thoughts.  It’s bad at the best of times, but in certain situations it is the absolute worst.

Here are nine of the most agonising places to desperately need the loo.

At a music festival

Mark Stedman/Photocall Ireland

During the day you have the queues, portaloos and toilet paper shortage to contend with but the worst is really at night.

At night when you’re warm and dry in your tent and you have to wrestle your wellies on, put on your rain jacket and traipse across a field, weaving in and out of tents to get to the cold smelly toilet.


When someone is in the shower

You wake up in the morning, dying for the toilet and then you hear it.  The shower.  There’s someone in there.

You hope that they’re nearing the end of the process, but let’s be honest, they never are.

Aside from the pain of waiting, you also have to deal with looking like a total lunatic when you shove past the showerer in panic as soon as they open the bathroom door.

On a bus journey

Flickr/Cian Ginty

The last bus home after a few after work drinks can be a treacherous place.

You get on full of bravado and cheer, but five minutes later you’re bouncing up and down on the seat wondering if it’s possible for your bladder to actually burst.

At the beach


If you’re lucky there’s a grotty public toilet.  If you’re not then what do you do?

No really, what do you do?

The middle of a great gig

You are loving the music, and the energy that’s coming out of the thousands of others around you when suddenly you know.

You know that you are not going to make it to the end without going to the loo.

Not only do you have to fight your way out of the crowd (all the while trying to remember exactly where you were standing), you also have to hope that your favourite song isn’t played while you’re gone.


In a long queue


You know how it is.  You’ve committed to being in a ludicrously long queue, so you’re not about to get out of it.

It’s not really moving, but there are loads of people behind you…will they let you back in?

Is there even a toilet in this place?  WHAT DO YOU DO?

During mass

Depending on the size of the church and the location of your seat within it, leaving mass before it’s over can be very very tricky.

Also, toilets in churches are not always easy to find.  Best to go just before you go in, really.

At the theatre


Once seated in a theatre, it’s difficult to leave.  In fact, many theatres apply a ‘if you’re out, you’re out’ policy whereby you can’t re-enter until intermission.

Thus, you may find yourself seated in the middle of a long row of seats, just feet away from an actor giving the performance of their life feeling trapped beyond all comprehension.

On a plane before the seatbelt sign goes off


It’s relatively standard for Irish people to have a few celebratory drinks in the airport before they go away on holiday.

As a result, the toilets fill up pretty quickly once the seatbelt sign goes off.  Why?  Because loads of people have been sitting there in eye watering agony, praying that they’ll make it to the toilet!

What is the lesson from all of this?  Remember the just-in-case wee, and make good use of it.

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