1. For €3,300 per month, you can get this apartment on Blessington Street.
If you’re not familiar with the area, Blessington Street is near the Mater Hospital, and also really close to the housing occupation at 34 North Frederick Street where activists have taken over a vacant property to highlight just how bad the housing crisis in Ireland is.
So yep, just down the street from a central property lying vacant in the middle of the country’s worst ever housing crisis, we’ve got this apartment going for €3,300.
To twist the knife, the clean and bright bedrooms in the apartment are advertised at €550 a month, so that it draws in more views from people who refined their search to show the lowest priced properties first. Just think of how many people’s hearts have sank when they clicked onto this property and read the description:
So basically, this property is only €550 if you are in a relationship (or happy to share a bed with a pal) and know four other people in similar situations. The rent actually works out as €1,100 per room. €1,100 for a bedroom that barely fits a double bed.
This might be the most infuriating property I’ve come across in the 14 months I have been making these lists, and we’re only on the first property of the day so please buckle up and drop a comment below if you have a good Valium hookup! (Just kidding, do not actually do that.)
2. This two-bed basement in Mount Merrion costs €595 per person.
All looks fine from this angle…
But nothing will prepare you for what lies on the other side of the room. Take a deep breath and enjoy the last few seconds of life without knowing what this “bedroom” looks like. Are you ready? We’ll just give you a tiny peek first so you can brace yourself.
Okay, now you probably know what’s coming. Here it is:
€595 per person, to live in a basement that seriously resembles one of my best efforts to create a hospital ward on The Sims 2 as a child.
Remember the days when we used to expect properties to have actual walls separating the rooms? This is what we have been reduced to. Although there are two beds in this photograph, the property description says it is suitable for 2-3 people sharing.
So, if you find another person willing to live in this setup with you, we assume they’ll chuck another bed in there somewhere.
We haven’t even mentioned the best bit, either. This property is only available from Sunday evening to Friday morning! So, prepare to add the cost of return bus or train fare home onto your rent. Alternatively, if you can’t afford that, we’re sure there’s some nice benches dotted around Mount Merrion.
3. Then we’ve got digs going for €750 in Clonskeagh.
There are plenty of people in Ireland who aren’t even paying €750 per month on their mortgages, never mind a single bedroom in a family home. This has all of the facilities that a young person could need, for instance, a bed. Not much else.
The property description boasts that the bedroom is located beside a bathroom, as if that’s not a fairly typical setup. Once again, the landlord stipulates that this accommodation is only available from Sunday night to Friday.
So, without weekends, you are paying €750 rent for 20-22 days each month.
4. This studio apartment is currently €832 per month in Dublin 8.
Yet again, we’ve got another situation where what was once somebody’s living room is now somebody’s kitchen, living room, study and bedroom combined. The telltale signs are there – a lower level window overlooking a front garden and a bed refusing to fit properly in an alcove that was never intended to accommodate a bed.
At least it comes with a random chair.
5. Alternatively, you could fork out €900 per month to live in Glasnevin.
You’d think it would be impossible to squeeze a kitchen, bedroom and bathroom into what was once the side entrance to somebody’s home, but landlords can do anything when they put their minds to it.
Upon entering this property, you will be greeted with a leather corner sofa that also serves as the bed.
Once you get past the bed, things just get narrower and narrower until you reach a mysterious and slightly foreboding looking door. Don’t worry, that’s just the bathroom. All of that for €900 per month, but hey, at least you’re allowed stay over on the weekend.
6. In Portobello, this glamorous Synge Street studio is going for €832 per month.
Seriously just consider that figure for a second. €832. That’s so much money. Far too much money to be spending to live here:
There’s a radiator on top of a radiator. That’s not a red flag at all. This price doesn’t include electricity bills either. Good luck heating this place.
7. If you like Ted and Dougal’s bedroom from Father Ted, you are in luck.
A property featuring an extremely similar bedroom is available in Glasnevin for the low, low price of €560 per bed!
Be sure to bring your own Ireland jersey to sleep in to get the full Dougal experience. This is a Sunday night – Friday morning job, but they’re willing to accommodate you on the weekend if needs be, apparently. In the property description, it states that you are allowed to eat during the day while staying there:
There is a microwave and kettle available if you wish to have a snack or refreshments during the day.
How nice of them. You’d almost forgive them for renting out a bedroom in their house for €1120.
8. You can now rent, eh, whatever this building is, for €950 per month in Clondalkin.
Was there any need for the photographer to take this photo from this distance? Paired with the long driveway, this looks like the entrance to a school’s reception.
On the inside, it’s pretty much the same as every other €950 rental property in Dublin.
We’ve got a typical cramped bathroom:
And the standard piece of bulky and unnecessary furniture placed in the bedroom for no reason at all.
9. Alternatively, this Stillorgan apartment costs €975.
There’s just one catch. You know those textured ceilings in your grandparent’s house? Popcorn ceilings, some people call them. Yes, those. The ceilings that can actually make millennials shudder. Well, the catch is that every wall in this house is covered in that stucco ceiling stuff.
It’s even in the bathroom.
Obviously, it’s also in the kitchen too.
Just think of how often you’d scrape the arms off yourself living in this studio apartment.
10. This Glasnevin studio apartment is €1,100.
Well, it’s €1,100 if you decide to let it for under twelve months. If you’re willing to commit to living here for a year, you can have it for €1,000.
Here’s the kitchen:
And here’s the rest of it:
€1,100 and it does not even include a door handle.
11. This Donnybrook studio apartment is €1,000 per month.
This is a fairly grim kitchen. Surely there are better places to put extension leads than under the sink.
The bathroom is in fairly similar condition, too. Surely they could have just put a shower curtain up, instead of building a wall in the middle of the floor to contain the splashes.
It’s almost as if this attic conversion was never supposed to contain a shower. Here’s the bedroom that is apparently worth €1,000 per month.
12. In Santry, we’ve got this backyard cabin going for €1,050 per month.
It’s just a tad cramped. It really wouldn’t be so bad if there wasn’t so much furniture jammed in.
Does that dresser really need to be halfway in the bathroom door?
13. This €1,060 per month Dublin 6 apartment features a very interesting carpet.
Imagine how stressful it would be to lose an earring on this really busy carpet.
The glass door from the kitchen to the bedroom is nearly as weird as the carpet.
14. And here’s what €1,300 will get you on the North Circular Road.
Just think about all the things that you could buy with €1,300 each month. That’s €15,600 per year. And now look at what landlords are offering for that same amount of money.
Now please go do a breathing exercise or something to calm yourself down.
