EATING FOOD DIRECTLY from the jar is one of the great questions of our time. It has set brother against brother, husband against wife, flatmate against flatmate.
So without further ado, we present the definitive guide to the foods that are and aren’t OK to eat without the use of a plate/bowl/bit of bread.
(Some of them don’t come in jars, but in tins or tubs. Please excuse us.)
YES: Peanut butter
Peanut butter is delicious and smooth (or crunchy, depending on your preference) and does not require any accessorising with toast. A definite yes.
NO: Mayonnaise
Guys, it’s made of eggs. OILY EGGS. It’s essentially an egg smoothie. Do you want that in your mouth, undiluted by a sandwich or salad? No no no no no no no.
YES: Nutella
Obviously. Pass the spoon there. Yes.
NO: Jam
What, are you going to disrespect breakfast now? No.
YES: Pickles
OK, so ideally they’d be on a plate with a bit of cheese or meat. But in a pinch, directly from the jar is acceptable.
However, taking them out of the pickle juice with your fingers is only OK if you (a) live alone, or (b) only share the jar with someone you also share a bed with.
NO: Margarine
We have heard tell of some individuals eating margarine/butter substitute/any kind of bread spread directly from the tub with a knife. Anyone caught doing this should be sent immediately to a reeducation camp for Toast Essentials 101.
YES: Tuna
OK, it’s not ideal. But in a desperate situation, like when you’re really hungry and can’t wait for dinner, eating a few bites of tuna out of the can is acceptable. A grudging yes.
NB: If you have eaten the whole can, you’ve gone too far.
NO: Beans
It’s not so much that eating beans from the tin is particularly offensive. It’s more that it will make you seriously question your life choices thus far, not to mention your overall priorities as a human being.
Save yourself and just throw them in the microwave for two minutes. No.
Would you care to agree or disagree with the above analysis? The comments are open…
