1. Instead of ‘Winter is Coming’, people would reverently whisper ‘Summer is coming’, and tell fabled tales of 99s and White Walkers (lads with their tops off)
2. The North would stretch from Swords to Balbriggan with Winterfell at Swords Pavillions, rightful seat of the King in the North and a fairly decent Zara
3. Beyond the Wall would be Meath, and the the only reason to go over it would be for an annual and bloody GAA battle
4. Joffrey would do BESS at Trinity and keep Dubarry shoes in business
5. His wedding would be in the Shelbourne and he’d choke on an overstuffed vol au vent. People would be slow enough in doing the Heimlich on him
6. A young Amy Huberman would play Arya because she’s so sound and probably decent with a sword
7. Kevin McGahern would be Jon Snow; he’s got the curls, is a bit of a ride, and his origins are sketchy (the wilds of Cavan)
8. The Night’s Watch would be made up of lads who ‘actually had a girlfriend at the Gaeltacht, but you wouldn’t know her, she’s from Cork’
9. The Kings Road would be the M50 with people battling to the death to avoid having to get off at the Red Cow
10. Daenerys Targaryen’s dragons would be expensive bikes with dodgy locks. Always going missing
11. Littlefinger’s lair would be on Harcourt St and you’d be hard pushed to place that accent; Waterford? Galway? Drogheda?
12. Tyrion Lannister would be giving cheek in the Dáil constantly, rising the Ceann Comhairle and being forced into trials by combat with the Healy Raes
13. The Eyrie would be at the Guinness Storehouse with traitors tipped out the window of the Sky Bar
14. Melisandre’s before and after would be you at 8pm on Saturday night, and 1pm the following day, on the rollover
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