1. Cher and her dad would live on the Vico Road in Killiney
No way would Cher and Dionne go to a mixed school though – they’d attend Loreto College Foxrock, and meet up with the lads from Blackrock College after school.
2. Cher’s catchphrase would be “I will yeah”
3. And this is what she would actually wear to school
Yellow plaid mini skirts? The nuns would have a fit!
4. Tai, the new girl in town, would have made the big move to Dublin from Cork
She’d show up on the first day wearing O’Neills trackie bottoms and a massive school bag with the straps pulled tight.
5. The girls would actually be doing some fairly gruelling PE when she arrived at the school
Brutally tripping each other up with hockey sticks, etc.
6. Josh would study Law in Trinity, but come to Vico Road at the weekends to raid the fridge and boast about his Phil Soc debates
His main topics? The environment, obviously, but also the divorce referendum, Bill Clinton’s Irish visit, and Gerry Adams.
7. And his favourite bands would be The Frames and Whipping Boy
8. Travis would be the son of a farmer and regularly talk about livestock, much to Cher and Dionne’s dismay
Tai still thinks he’s really cute, however.
9. Cher would have practised her driving not on the road, but in an empty car park
10. Tai’s makeover would have consisted of a choker, Rimmel’s Heather Shimmer lipstick, and some Sun-In
The HEIGHT of gorgeousness back then.
11. The party in the Valley would have been held in someone’s house when their parents were on holidays
The girls would have been offered warm cans of Dutch Gold by Travis.
12. Elton and Tai’s ‘song’ would have been Boom Boom Boom by the Outhere Brothers
And he would have asked her to sing the “Way-oh!” part to make sure she wasn’t concussed.
13. Josh and Cher would overhear Tai singing along to the Pat the Baker ad on the telly, instead of the Mentos one
“Who wakes up the morning, for a fresher kind of day…”
14. Cher would not have gone out in that
There is no way an Irish dad would have let her out of the house without a fleece of some description. It would have been discarded before they got to the party, however…
15. Which was held not in a cool-looking bar, but the local rugby club
Someone’s parents would have hired it out for a 16th birthday party.
16. A vengeful Tai would have simply told Cher: “You’re a frigid.”
17. Cher would organise a sponsored walk for Trócaire to change her selfish ways (and impress Josh)
18. And the pair would probably have their dates in Eddie Rockets
Never mind two teachers’ fancy wedding.
