DEAR WOMEN (AND interested men) of Ireland.
We’ve asked a selection of Irish men what they’d like you to know about them.
“Oooh dangerous territory” you croon. “Surely this is somehow sexist” you cry. “Will there be one for the mens too? you question.
To your concerns and quizzes we say “shhhh, this is a valuable public service. Embrace it. And yes, we will be doing one the other way round. Patience”.
But first, this one’s for the ladies (although we’d wager that some of these work both ways)…
1. Kissing someone wearing lip gloss is deeply unpleasant
A fair point to start off with. Lip gloss is essentially shiny jam for your gob. Nobody wants to kiss that.
2. We hate being asked questions
“Particularly follow-on questions to previously informative statements”.
Man: My sister got a new job.
(Man assumes that since information has been conveyed, conversation can move on to something else)
Woman: What’s she on? When does she start? Will she get the train or the bus? What did her boss say? Do you like my new shoes?
3. Sports are not more important than you
They were here first though. Please, respect that.The same goes for games.
Okay, maybe not FIFA 14, but where were you when then princess was in another castle in Super Mario Bros?
4. Shopping is not an acceptable way to spend time together
Ever. For anyone.
5. Don’t try too hard to impress our friends
“We wouldn’t let them choose our shirt in the morning much less a girlfriend”.
So you can ignore all of these for a start:
6. Your lovely white skin is lovely, whereas fake tan smells like damp
Or biscuits. Or wet dog.
7. You look great without make-up
8. Be more secure
“You are generally a lovely bunch. Please believe that”.
9. We’re insecure
About our height, weight, how we can never measure up to Chris Pratt, before OR after.
10. No, we’re not getting a dog
(Because we’ll be too sad when he dies)