DID YOU GROW up in a fancy house?
Chances are, you didn’t. Chances are, you had neighbours across the street that your parents sometimes gave out about, but you always secretly admired because of the stuff in their house.
Here’s what they had:
1. A bidet
These were really more to confuse guests than anything else, right?
“So that’s a special thing for washing your… parts?”
2. Big leather sofa in the sitting room
For watching that there Sky Television from the Satellite.
3. Doorbell with a tune
4. A coloured bathroom suite
Avocado being the ideal, obviously:
Although pink was also acceptable.
5. More than one telly
Even fancier depending on where the TV(s) were. In two separate living rooms = really fancy. In the kitchen = unbelievably fancy. In the kids’ bedrooms = notions, spoiled, above themselves.
6. The Channels
7. Pot pourri
In the bathroom, obviously. FOR THE SMELLS.
8. A fish tank
The more accessories, the better. Look, a tiny castle!
9. Patio with crazy paving
And maybe even a gas barbecue, if you fancied yourself as an entertainer/had watched too many American sitcoms.
10. Those curtains with an extra bit across the top
And if you had SERIOUS notions:
11. And finally, a special mat that fit around the toilet
Known as a “pedestal mat”. As I learned while writing this piece. SO FANCY.