TIS THE WEEKEND….
Over the next few days thousands of people across the country will mobilise to fulfil the Christmas tree tradition.
We’ve come up with an arbitrary yet definitive scoring system to determine one of the great Christmas questions:
Smell
This is a category where the real tree really comes into its own. You can light all the candles and spray all the sprays you want, but nothing will ever beat the festive stank of a noble fir in the corner of the sitting room.
Fake tree Christmas points: 1
Real tree Christmas points: 10
Cost effectiveness
While an artificial tree might cost you more in terms of a one-off payment (€100+ if you’re going for the real good stuff), it will stand to you in the long run, as you smugly wheel it out in subsequent years while your Visa Debit stays firmly in you wallet.
A real tree on the other hand will set you back around €50, and is already dying as you hand over the cash.
Fake tree Christmas points: 8
Real tree Christmas points: 3
Shape
Artificial trees have come on in leaps and bounds, affording the buyer the perfect balance between aesthetically pleasing triangle, and just enough wonky branches to give it character.
Finding a perfectly shaped real tree on the other hand is akin to laying your hands on the good scissors at the precise moment you need them, ie impossible.
Fake tree Christmas points: 7
Real tree Christmas points: 4
Personality
Shape and personality go hand in hand, and while your real Christmas tree might be more like a Christmas bush, with an inexplicable bald three foot branch protruding from the top, at least it’s got Christmas magic. The things it must have seen!
Fake trees meanwhile, are magic vacuums.
Fake tree Christmas points: 1
Real tree Christmas points: 13
Stability
Artificial trees come with built in stands. They are ergonomically sound. They were designed with stability in mind.
A real tree will leave you close to tears as you attempt to seduce the trunk into whatever newfangled stand you’ve been conned into purchasing. And often, even looking at it wrong may cause it to pitch sideways, flinging baubles about the room. If you have an inquisitive cat… forget about it.
Fake tree Christmas points: 11
Real tree Christmas points: 2
Cleaning
No contest.
Fake tree Christmas points: 10
Real tree Christmas points: 1
Storage/Disposal
Buying a real Christmas tree in a pot places you in the best of both worlds. You maintain that Christmas magic while also ensuring that your only storage/disposal worries are dragging it outside to grow for another 12 months (assuming that you can manage to keep it alive until next Christmas).
Other real trees come with the headache of disposal come the grim grey days of January, while artificial trees require disassembly and storage. Nobody’s a winner.
Fake tree Christmas points: 5
Real tree Christmas points: 5
Tradition
For many, the yearly tradition of picking and buying a real tree is a magical family memory. Dragging the artificial one down out of the attic with some baubles still attached just doesn’t hold the same wonder.
Fake tree Christmas points: 2
Real tree Christmas points: 15
And the winner is… the real Christmas tree, with 53 points to 45.
Where do you stand?
