SUMMER IN IRELAND. A time of hope, 99s, furtive trips to the seaside, and for many, sneezing.
Here are 12 things hayfever sufferers want everyone else to know.
1. F**k your grass
Also: f**k your flowers. Yeah. We said it.
2. If you sit beside us, this is what you will have to endure
3. It doesn’t feel like ‘just a head cold’
Does your face normally feel like it’s falling off during a head cold? No.
4. Do NOT joke about our obsession with the pollen count
On any given day, our happiness directly correlates with the pollen count. Wouldn’t you be obsessed too?
5. We’re not actually devastated with life
WE HAVEN’T BEEN CRYING. IT’S JUST OUR FACES.
6. And we know our makeup is doing a thing
Miss u liquid eyeliner </3
7. We wish we could have lunch in the park with you…
But the pollen. The pollen!
8. We wouldn’t force that itch on the roof of our mouths on our worst enemy
Crunchy food eliminates the problem – but only for so long.
9. Snot is leaking from our noses all day. All day
And we’re trying our hardest to not let you see it.
10. We’re sort of sorry about all the snotty tissues
It’s disgusting, but we CAN’T HELP IT. Pass the Man Size, pls :(
11. And the mouth breathing
We don’t like it much either, if we’re honest.
12. But there’s always the chance that tomorrow’s pollen count will be low
Then we can be human again, and not red-eyed, barely functional snot buckets. Fingers crossed!