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Dublin: 12 °C Thursday 18 April, 2024
snot rag

12 angry messages from hayfever sufferers to the world

It’s the most wonderful tiiiiiiime of the yeeeeeeaaar!

SUMMER IN IRELAND. A time of hope, 99s, furtive trips to the seaside, and for many, sneezing.

Here are 12 things hayfever sufferers want everyone else to know.

1. F**k your grass

fuckflowers Tumblr Tumblr

Also: f**k your flowers. Yeah. We said it.

2. If you sit beside us, this is what you will have to endure

https://vine.co/v/hVVap7prKjY

No apologies.

3. It doesn’t feel like ‘just a head cold’

tumblr_mqvbt7enbm1qhmz3bo1_500 Wordpress Wordpress

Does your face normally feel like it’s falling off during a head cold? No.

4. Do NOT joke about our obsession with the pollen count

pollen Looking good today lads Met Eireann Met Eireann

On any given day, our happiness directly correlates with the pollen count. Wouldn’t you be obsessed too?

5. We’re not actually devastated with life

525191643_e7e6ed54a8_b-2 Flickr / raaphorst Flickr / raaphorst / raaphorst

WE HAVEN’T BEEN CRYING. IT’S JUST OUR FACES.

6. And we know our makeup is doing a thing

Miss u liquid eyeliner </3

7. We wish we could have lunch in the park with you…

giphy Giphy Giphy

But the pollen. The pollen!

8. We wouldn’t force that itch on the roof of our mouths on our worst enemy

Crunchy food eliminates the problem – but only for so long.

9. Snot is leaking from our noses all day. All day

lG2mH7D Imgur Imgur

And we’re trying our hardest to not let you see it.

10. We’re sort of sorry about all the snotty tissues

It’s disgusting, but we CAN’T HELP IT. Pass the Man Size, pls :(

11. And the mouth breathing

mouth-breather Toothpaste For Dinner Toothpaste For Dinner

We don’t like it much either, if we’re honest.

12. But there’s always the chance that tomorrow’s pollen count will be low

giphy Giphy Giphy

Then we can be human again, and not red-eyed, barely functional snot buckets. Fingers crossed!

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