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The 12 absolute worst people in the cinema

Ban them all.

1. The people who buy the smelly nachos

What happened to you in a former life that you now crave fake yellow cheese and cardboard-y tortilla chips? Are you alright?

2. The person who blinds you checking their phone mid-film

shutterstock Source: Shutterstock/Syda Productions

You’re not being surreptitious about it, sorry.

3. The person who stage whispers to their friend throughout

scurry Source: Tenor

And you’re not being surreptitious either. Why can’t anybody be surreptitious?

4. The seat kickers

xp9f9j Source: tinypic

Don’t make me turn around and look at you passive-aggressively.

5. The person who does not put their phone on silent and cannot find it when it inevitably rings

Cinema_smartphone Source: Wikimedia

If you want to find the one person in the world who has their phone on loud in the Year of Our Lord 2017, go to the cinema. They’ll be there.

6. The person who ANSWERS their phone when it rings

Screen_Shot_2016-08-01_at_12.34.21_PM.0.0

There are no words for this kind of atrocity.

7. The person rattling off trivia during the trailers

1 Source: Shutterstock

Oh he was in Quentin Tarantino’s last one, was he? This one has great reviews? Start a blog, nerd!

8. The person who insists on sitting right up beside you, even though the screen is empty

side-eye-gif-9 Source: Gifimage

I don’t CARE if it’s your assigned seat. Don’t be weird.

9. That one person with the laugh

julia Source: Gifbin

The laugh that fills the entire space and ricochets off the walls. The laugh that emerges regardless of if the jokes are particularly funny or not. That laugh.

10. The people who make a whole row stand up to let them through when they could have just gone up the other stairs

Tonight's dinner comes in popcorn form! #wonderwoman #cinemapopcorn

A post shared by Nic Shaw (@nicshaw95) on

Is it too rude to just tell them to do that? You’ll make us drop our precious cinema popcorn!

11. The Gang of Teenz that have no intention of watching the movie

oh god youths2

The whole audience stiffens when they see them come in. There’ll be no peaceful movie-watching tonight.

12. And the person trying to hold approximately three million seats for their friends

seats taken Source: YouTube

They’re not coming. Go home.

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