1. You’ll cut the wrapping paper too small for the thing you’re trying to wrap but strain yourself trying to MAKE it cover the required area
2. You’ll get your fingers tangled in sellotape and flap around trying to get it off again, while also trying to save it so you won’t have to cut another piece
3. You’ll give yourself a rotten paper cut
4. You’ll try to make the scissors glide through the paper but just rip it instead
5. You’ll accidentally stick a bit of sellotape in the wrong place and try to peel it off the wrapping paper, destroying it in the process
6. You’ll somehow lose the scissors even though you just had them A MINUTE AGO
7. You won’t be able to find the edge of the sellotape. Ever
8. And to find it, you’ll have to take your hand off the carefully folded corners you finally got after 100 tries, leaving them to come apart again
9. You’ll realise that the cheap wrapping paper you bought is so thin that you can easily see what’s underneath
10. You’ll regret buying so many irregularly-shaped presents, and resolve only to buy people books from now on
11. Your finished presents will resemble the balls of discarded wrapping paper and tape you’re going to throw in the bin
12. But you’ll try to make it all look better by sticking these on with wild abandon
13. You’ll end up with loads of bitteens of paper that are good for nothing. The waste!
14. But you’ll realise after you’ve balled them up into the bin that you need one of them to fill a gap on one of the presents afflicted by the situation described in number 1
15. You’ll get a glimpse of someone else’s elaborately wrapped presents and be sent into a fit of rage and frustration
16. You’ll say “Ah feck this for a bag of chips” and throw it all into a gift bag. Why can’t we just agree to all use gift bags from now on? Save the stress.
