Dublin: 10 °C Monday 20 March, 2023
# do me toilet
8 things everyone does in someone else's bathroom

1. Checks the lock

In a strange house you can’t be too careful about the trustworthiness of the lock. It’s always best to check a couple of times.

Of course, even worse than an untrustworthy lock is no lock at all.

If the toilet is within reaching distance of the door, then at least you can halt any impending intrusion with an urgent “there’s someone in here”.

If not, you will spend the next few minutes of your life doing this:

2. Has a nose around


3. Debates doing a “big toilet”

You know there’s one coming, but can you take the risk of doing it in a strange bathroom?

What if it creates a foul stench? What if you’re in there too long? What if it creates a dreaded blockage?


4. Reads back of the shampoo bottle/tube of toothpaste/piles medication

via Imgur

5. Reads whatever catalogue/magazine/book is by the toilet



6. Does the shuffle

Ever been caught short after doing a “big toilet” and there’s not enough toilet roll left… or, horror of horrors, there’s NONE AT ALL?

It’s time to do the shuffle in search of some emergency supplies.

via I Can Haz Cheezburger

7. Has a minor panic about the water level

Step one: flush

Step two: watch water anxiously as it rises ever so slightly

Step three: look frantically around for something to stem the inevitable overflow

Step four: breathe a sigh of relief as water level returns to normal, chuckling to yourself about the quirks of other people’s toilets

8. Engages in some towel indecisiveness


9. Has a minor panic about the lock, again

You’ve survived unscathed. You didn’t flood the bathroom, you didn’t leave a foul odour, you didn’t drop your host’s prescription medication down the toilet… but wait, what’s this?


You’re going to be trapped in there forever! You’re going to have to yell for help! What if the key won’t fit under the do… oh wait. It’s open.

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