1. ‘You’re getting a bit of the accent.’
Often followed by their awful cockney impression.
2. ‘Do you see much of [other person who emigrated there]?’
Well, Perth’s only 3,200km away so yeah we hang out loads.
3. ‘How much would a pint be?’
Somehow impossible for anyone to understand your life situation without this essential metric.
4. ‘Can you get real tea?’
No, which I keep telling you, but somehow you’ve never sent any.
5. ‘Skype is great though, isn’t it?’
Yes. Yes, it’s great. Are you happy now?
6. ‘Do you ever watch Irish TV over there?’
:(
7. ‘Is it really like Home and Away?’
Yes, precisely like Home and Away. Next question.
8. ‘Any nice [insert nationality here] boys/girls?’
Funny, since you ask I HAVE been batting away potential suitors with a heavy stick ever since descending the steps of the plane. Weird huh?
9. ‘Do you miss home? Do you? You do, don’t you?’
Do I miss home? Yes. Do I miss long-term unemployment? We-ell… no.
10. ‘I’ve a cousin in [place that's miles away from where emigrant lives]‘
Oh, great.
11. [In a tone of slight resentment] ‘So, what brought you back?’
Oh, it was the chance to stand around in an overpriced pub listening to you being passive-aggressive about my choices actually. Since you ask.
