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Dublin: 13 °C Wednesday 22 May, 2019
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Who said it: Apprentice candidate or David Brent?

They’re all full of crap, but can you distinguish the fact from the fiction?

WHICH outlandish comments are genuine quotes from Alan Sugar’s would-be associates, and which were scripted for TV’s most ridiculous boss?

1. “Do you know what guys, I can’t find my underwear. Just trying to work out if it will be any benefit to us whatsoever.”

2. “If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you’re trying to get them sacked.”

3. “Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.”

4. “I’m not a one-trick pony, I’m not a 10-trick pony, I’m a whole field of ponies – and they’re literally all running towards this job.”

5. “My intelligence is like a machete in the jungle – one swipe and I’ll cut my way through.”

6. “You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.”

7. “If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the situation.”

8. “Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the Moon.”

9. “I’m just a messenger, for the magic up here *points to his head*”

10. “If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.”

11. “Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.”

12. “I think outside the box. If I was an apple pie the apples inside me would be oranges.”

13. “The are two types of people in the world: winners and… I don’t know how to say the word. I can’t say it.”

14. “Show me a good loser and I’ll show you a LOSER!”

15. “Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.”

16. “I truly am the reflection of perfection.”

The answers are below…

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1. “Do you know what guys, I can’t find my underwear. Just trying to work out if it will be any benefit to us whatsoever.”

Natasha Scribbins, Series 7

2. “If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you’re trying to get them sacked.”

David Brent

3. “Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.”

David Brent

4. “I’m not a one-trick pony, I’m not a 10-trick pony, I’m a whole field of ponies – and they’re literally all running towards this job.”

Stuart Baggs, Series 6

5. “My intelligence is like a machete in the jungle – one swipe and I’ll cut my way through.”

Jason Leech, Series 9

6. “You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.”

David Brent

7. “If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the situation.”

David Brent

8. “Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the Moon.”

Melody Hossaini, Series 7

9. “I’m just a messenger, for the magic up here *points to his head*”

Tre Azam, Series 3

10. “If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.”

David Brent

11. “Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.”

David Brent

12. “I think outside the box. If I was an apple pie the apples inside me would be oranges.”

Alex Epstein, Series 6

13. “The are two types of people in the world: winners and… I don’t know how to say the word. I can’t say it.”

Ian Stringer, Series 4

14. “Show me a good loser and I’ll show you a LOSER!”

David Brent

15. “Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.”

David Brent

16. “I truly am the reflection of perfection.”

Ricky Martin, Series 8

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